I wish so bad that I could make everything work out just fine.
But I can't because I'm so damn confused.

My heart melted like a chocolate bar in a fat kid's pocket today.

I don't know what to do or where to go.

"Follow your heart..."
Advice to follow? Could be.

Confusion at it's finest.

The option of escape is... well, it's no longer an option. It would take so much work. And I fear that the risk out weighs the reward.

Maybe? There's no way of knowing for sure unless it's done.

What I leave behind vs. what I gain.

Mind you, I won't technically be leaving anything behind for good. I'll still return. I love this place too much to vannish forever.

Options.

To be, or not to be; that is the question.
To be here, or not to be here.

Choices? None yet. Time will tell.
Fuck.

I wish you would just have the courage to get out of there and find a place that makes you happy.

This is so frustrating.
I'm completely torn.

1. Copy and Paste in your blog
2. Bold anything true
3. Leave plain anything untrue

I hate my name.
I miss somebody right now.
I watch more tv than I used to.
I love olives.
I love sleeping.
I own alot of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I’ve tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I believe honesty is the best policy.
I like and respect Al Sharpton....
I curse alot.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I have a hobby.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I've never broken anyone else's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I love rain.
Im REALLY paranoid.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have minty fresh breath in the morning.
I have semi-long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one brother and/or sister.
I was born outside of Australia.
I shave my legs.
I have a twin.
I am actually wasting time doing this thing.
I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D
I like the way I look.
I have friends.
I know how to do cornrows.
I have mood swings.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I have cheated on a significant other .....
I have a hidden talent
I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I think that Im popular.
I have dyed my hair.
I have kissed someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I would rather eat than shop.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
Im bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
Im obsessed with my blog!
I don’t hate anyone.
I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a mobile phone.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I have never been in a real, serious relationship before.
I've rejected someone before.
I currently have a crush on someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I've had the cops called on me before.
I bite my nails.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I've been depressed before.
I am bisexual.
I am homosexual.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad.
I open up to others easily.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news
I own over 5 rap CDs
I like Disney movies
I am a sucker for pretty eyes.
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
I love Martha Stewart
I am self conscious
I really like someone
I like to laugh a lot
I smoke a pack a day (i could probably)
I have cough drops when I'm not sick
I can't swallow pills
I have scars
I've been out of this country.
I am really ticklish
I love chocolate
I am comfortable with being me
I play computer games/video games when I'm bored
Gotten lost in the city
Saw a shooting star
I had a serious surgery
Hugged a stranger
Been in a fist fight with the same sex
Been arrested
Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
Made out in an elevator
Swore at your parents
Kicked a guy where it hurts
Been skydiving
Been bungee jumping
Broken a bone
Played spin the bottle
Gotten the chicken pox
Ridden in a taxi
Shoplifted
Been fired
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
Stole something from your job
Had a crush on a teacher/coach
Saw someone/something dying
Driven over 400 miles in one day
Been on a plane
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
Thrown up in a bar
Eaten Sushi
Met someone in person from the internet
Been to a motocross show
Done hard drugs
Taken painkillers
Saw Bucks Fizz in concert
Consumed alcohol
Run away from home
Lied to your parents about where you are
Hate more than love
Own an iPod or MP3 player
Are a sports fanatic
Would wear pjs to school
Have a job
Been in love
tYpE lIkE tHiS VeRy OfTeN
Eat fast food weekly
Have self-inflicted scars
Believe in ghosts
Can't sleep if there is a spider in the room
Seen a therapist
Love white chocolate
Single
In a relationship
Kissed a stranger
Been obsessed with another person
Argued for the fun of it
Made out in a moving vehicle
Been to a casino
Been in a bar
Skipped school
Been punched
I see things that aren’t there
Been naked in public
Come close to death
Gotten stitches
Hooked up with 2 or more people in one night while drunk
Hooked up with 2 or more people in one night without alcohol
Bitten someone
Crashed into a friend's car
Been to Japan
Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
Slept with someone you shouldn’t have
Been married
I believe everything happens for a reason
Had someone cheat on you
Overdosed
Have hated your life
Have no one who cares

Leave me out of all your bullshit.
I'm sick of your fake maturity, fake friendship, fake personality.
Why don't we buth just stop pretending?
I don't like you. Fuck everything you say.














Cocksucker.

Why can't it be that easy?

Nothing makes sense. Everything that used to seem right now seems terribly wrong. How do I know? What do I trust? Who do I trust?

I need a break.

I've been questioning myself lately.
I don't know what I'm doing.

I'll never forget waving goodbye to you. I'll never forget the tears we all shed for each other. Thank you for welcoming me into your home. Thank you for everything. You gave me the best home away from home I could ask for.
I love you all so much and I think about you every day. I miss you. I'll be back as soon as I can to visit you.

Mother, you were so wonderful to me. Thank you for the delicious food and all the great times I had with your students. Tell them I miss them and I hope they are doing well with their English lessons. Thank you for being so kind and understanding. You'll see Aurora someday, I promise, and it'll be just as lovely as all the books and television shows tell you. I love you very much.

Father, thank you for all the time and energy you put into my stay there. You were so helpful and kind to me. I'll never forget all you did for me there. Don't worry, I'm staying safe everywhere I go. And I promise I will do my best to return to you with a good man who will take care of me, just like you wanted. Thank you for caring so much about me. I love you so much.

Sister, I hope school is going well! I hope you still remember me when I return to you someday. Enjoy your time in school, because it's much more fun than all the hard work your parents do! I hope your face always has a smile on it. Please remember to stay happy and positive, even when you don't get your way. Keep enjoying Spongebob, but don't watch too much television! I wouldn't want your pretty eyes to be ruined by watching too much Spongebob! I miss you very much, Chii-chan. Friends forever, little sister. I love you.

I'm coming home soon, family.

Missing you like crazy.

Answer all the questions honestly, no lying to avoid stuff.
Time started: 7:14 pm
Full Name: Heather Jean (Sex Machine) Fusick
Single or Taken: Swingin' Single
Sex: Female
Birthday: September 1st, 1989
Sign: Virgo
Siblings: Zip, zilch, nada. ZERO!
Eye color: Hazel
Shoe size: 6-7
Height: 5'6
What are you? (country wise): Canadian
Innie or Outie: Innie.
What are you wearing right now : Black fishnets, denim skirt, studded belt, black "US ARMY: NOW HIRING" cemetary t-shirt, and jewlery.
Where do you live : Toon Town, SK.
Righty or lefty: Righty
Any pets: Duchess (dog), Bunnie (fish), Markiss and Mariah (snails).

Relationships
Who are your good friends?: There's a lot of them.
Do you have a bf or gf?: I have millions of both.
Best place to go for a date: That big park by the Bes. Yay picnics!
Where is your favorite place to shop?: Anywhere with sales or cheap shit. Yay Value Village!
Do you have any tattoos or piercings?: 8 piercings, gotta wait to get the tattoos.


Favorites
Favorite kind of pants: Uh... those ones... for my legs...
Number: 4
Boys Name: There are an awful lot of names to just choose one. Raine is nice though.
Girls Name: Lots. Cybil and Violet, to name a couple.
Middle name: Damned if I know.
Subject in school: Japanese, English, Musical Theatre
Animal: Every animal! Except birds...
Drink: I've become a huge coffee fan. So coffee.
Sport: Uh... skipping?
Fast-Food Place: Fast food sucks. Subway is alright.
Month:July and August
Band: Music is all good, it's too hard to pick favourites.
Movie:Too many, but there's a list in my profile with a few of 'em.
Breakfast: Waffles with strawberries and whipped cream.
Cologne: Uh... that kind... boys wear...
Perfume: Satsuma body spray from The Body Shop.
Favorite cartoon character: Oh gosh. No idea.

Have you ever
Given anyone a bath: My dog...
Smoked: Nope.
Bungee jumped: Not yet.
Made yourself throw-up: Nope.
Gone skinny dipping: Nope.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: Nope.
Loved someone so much it made you cry?: Yeah, back in the day.
Broken a bone: Never.
Played truth or dare: Oh yes.
Been in a physical fight: Nope.
Been in a police car: Nope.
Been on a plane: Many times.
Come close to dying: Many times.
Been in a sauna: Yes.
Been in a hot tub: Yep.
Fallen asleep in school: Oh yes.
Ran away?: Haha, only pretended to.
Broken someone's heart: Yeah.
Cried when someone died: Yeah.
Flashed someone: No.
Cried in school: Yes.
Fell off your chair: Yes.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call: Nope.
Saved MSN conversations: My computer does that automatically.
Saved e-mails: Yep.
Fallen for one of your best friends?: Sure, I suppose.
Made out with just a friend: Yep.
Used someone: Nope.
Been cheated on? Who knows.
Done something you regret?: Never.

What is..
Your good luck charm: My Japanese Hippie bracelet and my St. Patrick's Day bracelet.
Best song you ever heard: Lots.
Stupidest thing you have ever done: No clue.
What's your room like: Colour scheme is ridiculous. Wood pannels randomly painted black, lime green, and purple with hot pink pinstripes and trim. It's a huge mess but I'm cleaning and re-arranging it right now.
Last thing you said: "Morgan says "hi" you guys."
What iis beside you: A lot of shit.
Something that has happened to you this year: Warped Tour.
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: A few things.

Have you ever had
Chicken pox: Yes.
Sore Throat: Yep.

Do you
Believe in love at first sight: Of course.
Like picnics: Very much!
Like school: Some parts of it.
What schools have you gone to: Caswell, North Park, Marion Graham.

Would you
Eat a live hamster for $1,000,000: Nope.
Go to a Manson concert if you had a free ticket: Yeah, why not?
Kill someone you didn't know for 15 billion dollars: Nope.
If you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you?: All my friends so we could have a sweet island party and then we would all start starving and eating each other.
If you loved someone and you were keeping something from them and it would hurt them if they found out, would you tell them: Yes.
Do you admire guys/girls: Uh... what?
Who is the last person that called you: Cole.
What makes you laugh the most: Lots of things. Inside jokes with friends.
Who makes you smile: My friends.

Who was the last person
You touched?: Tamara
You massaged: I don't give massages, I receive them. Best ones are from Derrick.
You Kissed?: I'm not sure. I kiss everyone.
You Yelled at? Tamara, cause she touched my hair.
Who broke your heart: Damned if I know.
Who told you they loved you: Probably Tamara.
Is your loudest friend: All of them!

Do you/Are You
Do you like filling these out: Yeah, I am my favourite person to talk about.
Do you wear contacts or glasses: Nope.
Do you get along with your family: Mostly.
Do you do drugs: Nope.
Have or had piercings below the waist?: Nope.
wearing anything over $50: Uh... nope.
Compulsive?: Yep.
Suicidal?: Nope.
What are you listening to right now?: The television in the next room.
What makes you happy: My friends.
What did you do yesterday: I don't remember.
Hated someone in your family: Nope. I love my family even when they suck.
Got any awards: Nope.
What car do you wish to have: A smart car.
do you want to get married: No. I could live with someone special and share all my stuff with them for a long time, and maybe we could have a big party and a dance and invite all our friends and stuff. It would be like a wedding and marriage, but no vows, no documents, no giving ourselves over to each other.
If you could change anything about yourself, what would you change: Nothing.
Have a lava lamp: Yes but the light bulb burned out.
How many remote controls are in your house: 11
Are you double jointed: Nope.
What do you dream about: A lot of strange shit.
last time you showered: This morning.
The last movie you saw at the theaters: Disturbia.
Scary or happy movies: Scary!
Root beer or Dr. Pepper: Neither! Yuck!
Mud or Jell-O wrestling: Mud!
Vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate all the way.
Skiing or Boarding: Skiing.
Summer or winter: SUMMER!
Silver or Gold: Silver
Diamond or pearl: Diamond.
Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset.
Sprite or 7up: Sprite.
Orange juice or apple juice: Orange.
Cats or dogs: Dogs.
Coffee or tea: Coffee!
Phone or in person: In person. I hate phones.
Oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Only child.
Indoor or Outdoor: Outdoors.
Time Ended: 1:47 am (lol I left for a few hours before finishing)

Endlessly flowing rivers, stacks, and piles of letters.
They spill out all over my bedroom floor, flood my mind, fill my mouth, my lungs, my life.
I write them with pen, with pencil, with paint, with my tongue, my lips, my eyes, my hands, my thoughts, my words.
Oh, and they are written everywhere.
They are written on paper, on walls, in time, in songs, on your skin, on mine, on clouds, in the air, on other people, underground.
My letters fill and spill over the edges of the earth, the edges of conciousness, the edges of reason, of sanity.
What do these letters say?

Everyone else seems to enjoy ranting about other people in their blogs so I figure I'll give this a shot. Ready set go.

You gross me out. I really don't need to know about... that. Sick. Just keep it to yourself.

You, forget it! She doesn't want you anymore! It's not gonna happen. Just leave her alone already.

You need to grow up.

You need to stop letting your girlfriends control your life and talk to your friends again!

You need to be more open and less far away.

You need to get a nickname that sounds less moronic!

You need to be more outgoing and realize that people do care about you.

You need to be less of a douchebag. Seriously.

You need to be less fucking annoying!

You are an idiot for getting involved with them. Prepare to go nowhere.

You are WAY too overdramatic. Seriously, man. Shut up and deal with it. We don't need to hear about every little problem in your life.

You disappeared from us. But that's okay because I never really liked you that much.

You are a tease. I can't decide if that's a good thing or not.

You are a little slut and it makes me sad to see how you've ended up.

You are an ungrateful drama queen. You turned everything into a big deal and that's partially why I always thought you were annoying, but I stuck with you. Do you remember the 3 people who were there that day? I was one of them, and you don't even care. Your welcome, bitch.

You still haven't grown out it, have you? I don't know how they still put up with you.

You disgust me. You two will be broken up in 2 months, tops. I thought you were a lot more down to earth than that. Whatever.

You think you're pretty damn great, don't you? I don't care anymore.

You need to get over yourself and have a little bit of fun. You don't have to be so serious all the time. Chill out.

You're pretending to be something you're not. Give it up already. You look like an idiot.

YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! STOP TOUCHING ME!

You need to try harder. We all know you can do it. You're just trying to look like a bad-ass. You looking like a bad-ass now isn't gunna make your life any better in 10 years. Think about your future a little more.

You are weird. I don't like you. I never have. You creep me out.

You need to relax. Stop worrying about all your little problems. Stop coming to me whenever someone is mean to you. I'll be your friend, but I'm not your mom.

You should try being a real person. Yeah it's fun to act silly like that sometimes, but a real conversation would be nice.

You need to leave me alone. I made it clear that I don't want to talk to you anymore. I can't deal with you and your self pitty any longer. Cheer the fuck up. And do something with your hair!

You... I don't even know what to say about you.


Okay... and I'm done for now.
That actually felt nice.
Cool.

1) do you have a crush now??
Kinda!

2) what part of guys do you most look at??
Hair!

3) what thing ur crush does to u makes you happy ??
Cuddling, jokes, being silly!

4) and what makes u unhappy??
Clingy-ness!

5) will you kiss him?
Maybe!

6) have you had a heartbreak?
Yeah.

7) wanna chase him,or wanna be chased?
Be chased.

8) what would you do if you became a man when u woke up one morning?
I'd be very confused.

9) do you like a smart guy?
Yes!

10) do you like a guy good at sports?
Not really.

11) do you like a guy who is good at cooking?
Yes!

12) do you like ur crush to be kind?
Of course!

13) and to be funny?
Definately!

14) and to be tough?
Nah, sensitve guys are cute.

15) to be considerate?
Of course.

16) to be rich?
Nope, but I do like to be spoiled sometimes.

17) do you like ur crush to dress well?
Depends on the definition of "well".

18) to sing well?
Haha, doesn't matter.

19) to dance well?
Doesn't really matter, cuz I can't dance either!

20) to treat you as a princess?
Only sometimes.

21) do you wanna him to lead you,or wanna lead him?
No one is leading anyone!

22) what do you think about "ladies first"?
Haha sometimes it's alright, but mostly I'm independant. I can open my own doors!

23) which do you like,a cute guy,or a cool guy?
Both!

24) do you want ur crush not to smoke?
Yes! Smoking is icky!

25) to drink?
Doesn't matter. Just not drink too much.

26) to gamble?
Only sometimes.

27) do u allow ur boyfriend to have affairs?
No! Haha!

28) what if your crush was a foreigner?
Ooooh Japanese boys!

29) which do you like a tall height person or a short height person?
Tall!

30) which guy do you like,S or M?
What? Haha Kana, I don't know what this means!

31) you had two crush.what would you do?
That's so not fun! I hate choosing! I'd go crazy!

32) what job do you want your crush to be in?
Doesn't matter!

33) what's your favorite bodytype?
You know... normal?

34) what's your favorite hairstyle of boys,short of long?
In between!

Listen to your mother and respect her.
Learn to dance like a gentleman.
Learn to be charming.
Smile.
Learn to speak smoothly, let each word slip easily from your mouth.
Know when to use no words at all.
Dress yourself in clothes that fit and suit you well.
Respect and honor her, but stand by her side as her equal.

Without these things you will win no ladies, only girls.
What is it you really want?

F A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

- - - - - - - Your Life: The Soundtrack - - - - - - - -
So, here's how it works:
Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's playing.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Some songs fit perfectly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Waking Up: Disloyalist Party - Joy Electric

Best Friend's Theme Song: Midnight Symphony - BEDlight for BlueEYES

Falling in Love: Beautiful Oblivion -Eve 6

Sex Scene: Lightning Rod - The Offspring

Fight scene: MOSH - Eminem

Breaking up: Be There - Bleed The Dream

Getting back together: Big Yellow Taxi - Joni Mitchell

Secret Love: Dear Jamie... Sincerely Me - Hellogoodbye

Life's okay: Self Esteem - The Offspring

Mental breakdown: The Sacrament - HIM

Driving Flashback: New America - Bad Religion

Partying: Bloody Romance - Senses Fail

Happy Dance: Roth Kung Fu - The Salads

Regretting something: Hey Mr. DJ - Backstreet Boys

long night alone: Fiction - Orgy

Final Battle: Ordinary - Kazzer

death scene: Carry This Picture - Dashboard Confessional

End credits: I Believe in Symmetry - Bright Eyes