The many adventures of forest man
By: Desiree Violet Bertrand


one day forest man decided to explore the world so he trotted on over to the local forest took a big whiff of forest ari and said in his manliest man voice of all " ahh smells like forest pine" then a littlegirl who was conviniently hiding from beneath thebranches of an extremely large oak tree shouted "pff more like forest man!" "hmm" stated the man "i'm leaving now because you were mean to me" so off the ocean he headed when he got the the beautiful ocean which was inconvieniently placed hundreds of miles afar from his home he took a big wiff of the air and said "ahhh smells like ocean fresh " then a little girl who came from the ocean of bluish green said "pfff more like ocean man" then the man thought to himself "mabe my aftershave is to strong lets see" ... so he asked many towns people and sure enough that was it and so he stopped wearing that much aftershave and everything smelt exactly as it was suposed to THE END!

one day forest man was walking wth his son forest boy and his dad forest grandpa and along came little suzy scotch tape "well hi there" she said in her insanely fake southern accent "how are you fine gentelmen today?" "fine" croked forest grandpa "practicly perfect in every way" stated marry poppins "graaaand" said little forest boywho is now 12 on acount of his birthday being 3 weeks ago. "dandy" said forest man "and yourself" "well im okay" said suzy scotch tape "exept for the fact that my little dog chip who just happens to be a pure bread beagle is very ill and i am quite upset because wat good would a dead dog do me?" "well " said forest boy "that is sad especially the part that your dog is bread.... i went to the market and bought a new fockey ball!" "IDONTCARE!! HE ISNT BREAD!" yelled suzy scotch tape "IM LEAVIN" "i'm woried about her " said forest man "her...her"said forest boy "grandpa has only said 1 word this whole time!"..."HE IS DEAD "... "at least the k-9 is perfectly alright" said marry poppins as she disapeared with her giant black umbrella...THE END.

One day forest boy was walking in the woods when all of a sudden he came upon a litte girl sitting undereath a tree crying..."whats the matter?" he said "oh...um nothing" she said " i am caron carrottop!""iam in love" He said "do u wanna come over for some drinks?" "sure "she said so they went to forest boys house for some drinks all was well up untill forestman saw them " i do not think that you should be hanging out with a girl wth bright red curly hair and dressed in all black" "but i love her daddy" said forestboy. then a knock kame upon their solid oak door " i am here to pick up my little caron carrot top she has ran away from home and her tear drops lead here have you seen her?" said a very lovely lady "well ill be"said forest man "there is a very lovely lady at our door looking for her lost child is there a lost child here?" " yes i am here" said caron carrottop as if the wind was blowing right through her little body and oh boy could you here it! so caron went home and forest man knew there was not only a new love in forest boys life but in his... THE END!

one day caron carrottop was chillin at forest boys house when the two were starteled by a knock upon the door! it was suzy scotch tape! "come on in" said forest man who was in the kitchen doing dishes with caron carrott tops mother lydia carrottop whom hapened to be in love with forest man almost as much as he was with her. suzy scotchtape then entered the living
room only to find forest boy sitting on the couch with carroncarottop"well oh my oh my isnt this an awful sight"she said "some lil red headed girl is tryin to steal my man" "am not" said caron as she was being glared at by suzy "why are you giving me such horrible looks?" she said "I give dirty looks by accident but i smile in my sleep" said suzy "oh i see would you like to join us suzan?" said caron " why that would be loverly" replied suzy meanwhile while lydia was doing dishes forest man decided to take out he recycaling and boy oh boy was there a lot of it! 100955676 bags to be exact so 12 by 12 he took them all out and when he went to put the very last peice of cardboard into the bin out popped a man " i am druggie doug maaaan" said doug " well hello there i am forest man" said forest man " and i think i no someone who can help you" so within seconds forest man began to run towards there cozy little cabin in the woods "caron i need you STAT!" said forestman "alright mr .man sir" she said as she began to follow forest man out the door down the little forest path up past the big oak tree and over the river "this is drugie doug...man" said forest man " and something gives me the feeling that he does drugs and needs your help to over come his horrible addiction"said forest man " well hello mr doug sir... i am caron... caron carrottop" she said as she held out her hand for him to shake then
when she saw his hand which was dirty and "uky" she no longer held out her arm "hey maan" he said "are you addicted to drugs?" she questioned "yeah man that crap is awsome" he said "i think straight edge is the way for you mr" she replied " whats that?" he asked inquisitively " "it means you dont do drugs,drink,have sex,or smoke" she said " well that sounds very clean and classy" he said " i think ill try it " so now caron carrottop and suzyscotchtape are freinds druggie doug is no longer a drugie and lydia and forest man are in love...THE END.

One day forest man decided to take his son , lydia,caron,and suzy all ice fishing on big big lake and as they were ice fishing they saw something coming near them from waaay at the end of the big big lake "what is that machine" the children excclaimed "why kids" said forest man "that right there is a giant robot that cleans things" "no i dont think so" stated lydia in a confuzed/worried voice "ill ask the man on it... exuse me sir ...exuse me... EXUSE ME SIR!!!" forest man exlaimed " oh um yah?" said the man "What is that" said forest man "this machine ahahaha why its a zamboni...say dont i know you from somewhere?" said the man " um mabe i am forest man!" he said " well i am mr forest zambonie man" said mr forest zamboni man " u no what i had an uncle named forest zambonie... hey mabe your my uncle!!!" said forest man "probaly that means u all can call me uncle zamboni man!!!" said uncle forest zamboni man "yay!! " they all exclaimed and they all were very happy and caugh 2 fish (minows) and ate some dinner THE END!

one day march 14th came which just happened to be forest boys 13th birhtday "its my birthday" he exlaimed with glee but no one was there to listen no presents no decorations no body was even home "i guess no one cares" he said " im going for a walk" "why am i talking to my sel" "ill stop" so he went for a walk and on his walk he found a little baby kittin meowing from behind a baby bassinett."aww poor feline" he said " i will take you home" as he went to open the door out popped his dad lydia and caron and suzy and ven uncle forest zamboni man and boy was it a surprize there were presentsand decorations even a great big cake "gee thanks guys i love it!" he squeeled " and look what i found in the forest... its a kitten" "dont state the obviouse" said suzy " any wasy ive decided to name the feline forest pussy cat...whast new pussy cat woh oh woh oh woh oh woh!" then at thatmoment there was one very akward silent moment "open the gifts" said caron "yah" said forest man "myne first" said lydia so the presents he got were #1 the feline #2 a paper clip #3 his very own forest man coat #4 a rain coat and #5 hiking boots it was his best birthday ever THE END!

One day when the forest family( forest an,forest boy, the ghost of forest grandpa,forest cat ,caron carrottop,suzy scotchtape,lydia carrottop and drugie doug,aswell as uncle zambonie man )decided to go for a walk they came upon a giant plat form surrounded by screaming teenadgers "what on earth are they screaming" said forest man " oh i see there saying hello... no goodbye... no hello...no good-" "um"said carron carot top "i belive they are shouting hellogoodbye which doesnt make sence" then all together all the family nodded their heads in agreement . they stared for about 5 inutes then continued their walk. then all of a sudden a man cut right infront of them and kept on trutin " exuse me u cut us off" said lydia no reply " hey!" she screamed then the man jumped so high he practicly hit his head on a cloud... " oh boy! you guy scared me i didnt seeyou there did i cut you off im sorry! my name is forest kline..." he said as he stuck out his hand to be shooken " forest man"said forest man " and this is my boy fores boy and carron carrottop and lydia her mother and suzy scotchtape and forest grandpas ghost and suzy scotchtape and oh yes forest cat" then all of a sudden out of nowhere a little girl popped out and said: " more like forest klan!!" she was saying that of cource to forest kline then he shook his head in disbelleif and said" that was odd wll better be off nice to meet you all call me if you ever wanna chill out" then with the smooth sliding of his card into forest mans hand he left and the family continued their journey home... THE END!

One day while the family was still on their journey home there were many travesties first forest gradpas ghost blew away then when suzy and caron were fighting suzy pushed caron into a river and then when she tried to help her she fell in to and they both died... then when forest boy was riding on lydias back she fell down and a giant leoplurodon swooped down from the sky and gobbled her up so she died too then druggie doug thought he saw a giant bear in a tree and crawled up it to "pet" the bear then he fell down...and died then uncle zambonie got ran over by an airplaine while trying to fly away on his zambonie so now it is only foret man and forest boy any way so they were walking along and a man came running past shwoom! "hello" they said then the running man ran backwards shwoomo! "hey! hi! hello! i am sports man!!!" he said as he posed in a hero like way " why hello there" said forest man " this is my boy forest boy" " well howdie do!" said sports man "say yall wanna come for a jog?" "sure!" they shouted andthey jogged and jogged a jogged and jogged and jogged then they stumbled upon a tinny fabric house (tent) and out popped a little fat man and his family! "why hello there folks!" said the little fat man "i am country camper! and this is my family country family we are on our camping trip we take it every year!" "well hi!" said forest man "i am forest man this i forest boy and our new freind mr.sports man" althought there were no boys that were forest boys age there was one boy and one girl that were close the girl her name was lillian camper and she was 13 (same as forest boy) and then there was max ..not max camper just max and he was emo and he was 15! anyways they were all great freinds and thats all you need to know for now THE END!

one day it was easter in the forest and the easter oak had just visited the night before " go look what the easter oak brought you son" said forest man " i am waay to old for easter leaf hunting" said forest boy " i think its the coolest ever!" said suzy " yah same" said caron so then they all went easter leaf hunting in the forest and while forest boy was searching he came upon max his emo freind from the storie before " well hey there max!" said forest boy in a very enthusiastic happy easter type voice "hi" said max "great day huh max" said foest boy " yah sure whatever" mumbled max " why arent you searching for easter leaves like the rest of us" asked forest boy iquisitevley " because i am a non conformist and i refuse to follow along with trends and fads which is what easter is its merely a fad and you would be better off being like me and not celebrating it"stated max firmly " well then uh thanks for the advice but i gotta keep searchin later max " said forest boy everyone knew that max needed to ligten up even max did didn't he? THE END!

One day forest man was ditting at home on the couch when forest boy caron and suzy came up to him " this is my freind meloncholy " said caron "and she is going to be staying with us for a while she is an exchange student from sorrowville" "well ahoy there matie" said forest man with a chukle " i am forest man and i am glad to meet you how are you?" "horrible" stated melencholy in a very glum voice "i see" said forest man "well im gunna go for a walk" " ill come" said suzy while they were walking they saw lots of scenery birs trees and then the most craziest things forest man has ever seen they saw huge shiny monsters so tall you couldnt see the tops of them and strange shaped boxes on wheels that made noise and puffed out black smoke from there back ends forest man looked up at the sky and it was grey and dark almost skumy and dirty people walking buy in fancy clothes with breifcases girls with lots of makeup and high boots wearing nothing but a small shirt and short skirt standing on the corner " WHERE ARE WE?" exlaimed forest man " i unno but im gunna live here from now on" replyed suzy then forst manwent into a small hut filled wit clothing and asked a lady standing behing a counter where they were " smogy city" she replied in a huff "its full of polution and there are no plants trees or anmimals" said forest man " well duh its the city what do u think it is a forest " she said laughing then at that moment he ran all the way back to the forest as fast as possible " im staying hre" said suzy so from then on thats where she lived... THE END!

One day every on was sitting aroun the forest cabin just chillin forest boy carron carrottop and meloncholy were watching the television forest cat was outside blowing bubbles with forest kline and forest man was vacuming the lawn while lydia carrottop-man was raking the carpet they were having grat fun when all of a sudden they looked over and meloncholy was gone! then forest kline looked at the roof " hey (meow) its a (meowa) bird its a...(meowmealmewowmeowa) " said forest cat "NO! STOP! DONT GO ANY FURTHER! IT ISSS A BIRD!" exlaimed forest kline " a macremay owl to be exact a very large macramay owl at that" sure enough it wasn't a macramay owl at all...well technicly it was but really it was just meloncolly dressed up as a machremay owl " i am going to jump off of this roof and use my pretend wings to soar...or not..." said meloncholly " k" said forest kline" meow( you stupid man why are you agreeing to her suicide atempt)" said forestcat "huh?" said forest kline "WAIT!!!!!!!!!!" yelled forest boy " sorry carron i do not love you anymore! any ways... DONT JUMP MY LOVE" then she decided to do it regardless of forest boy ( she dose not love him) any ways so she jumped ( screaming...screaming...ect ect) she took a blood-squirting bone-crushing fall " oh man! im still alive" she um...said? "k well im gunna go try to get run over by a train bye forever...hopefully.THE END!

One day when forest man was taking a walk a scragaly little boy with a scratchy deep voice jumped from the bushes right out in front of forest man!
" ahhhh!" exlaimed Forest man " oogabookahulanijijijijishshglkina" exlamimed the scragaly boy " hello i am forest man" said forest man"hello i am forest man' moked the scragaly boy. " no thats me you insolant fool who are you?" said forest man " no thats me you insolant fool who are you?" said the boy "what ( sighns) is( points)your(points again) name (draws imaginary lne)" "Me grassy knees!" said the boyas he an back in to the bushes with a yelp " you are certainlky on of the weardeest charechter in thsi story... i mean that i have ever met!" said forest man " me like grass, you smell bad!" said the boy just then forest man noticed there was grass growing otu of this boys knees and sudenly his whole life made sence! " you are not a boy at allyou are a ... torfpinkstrawrainbowpokemonyellowstrawsippiecupwit hrasberryjuiceandhandsanitizerallwrapedupinatasyto rtillacombinedwithafrosteddonutandataquitothinkout sidethebun!!" Now my life makes scence you see some torfpinkstrawrainbowpokemonyellowstrawsippiecupwit hrasberryjuiceandhandsanitizerallwrapedupinatasyto rtillacombinedwithafrosteddonutandataquitothinkout sidethebuns are born with grass grwing out there knees causing them to be insane well to be honest most of them are born with grass growing out of there knees and they are all insane but they eat bugs and rodents so we keep them! any ways so forest man understood grassy knees went over to his freinds to wach a movie and they all live hapilly ever after THE END!



One day when the family went to the local beach to smell fresh ocean air a most terrible awfull unexusable thing happened you see all of them ( forest boy carron forest cat forest grandpas ghost druggie doug sports man Lydia forest man forest kline the camping family melancholy ( she lived) and uncle zamboni man * takes deep bresth* as well as grassy knees and even suzy scotchtape ) decided to go for a swim when they found out they had went waay to far and hit an island so of cource being adventerouse and all they decide to hop up onto the island when they got up there was a terrible storm causing the ocean level to rize it rose sooooo high that they couldn’t even swim back to the forest so from then on they ate the food they grew ( lukily forest man caries a first aid kit a tent in a can and seeds to grow a garden) oh and they ate forest cat for roast beef dinner… just kidding they are vegetarians. Lol I bet I worried you anyway so in the end they lived there for the rest of there lives never to be seen again by anyone…ever…as far as I know…
THE END!!!!!!!!

Forest man... Island edition!!
The many Adventures Of Forest Man( 2 island living)
by: Desiree Delilah Violet Wentz


One day Forest man decided to go for a walk to find himself so while every one was asleep he quietly snuck out of th hut where we last saw them and went for a walk and while he was on that walk searching helplessly he found A small girl about the age of 6 " why hello there i'm forest man" said forest man " ahahah i knowhwo you are do you no remembr me i am the one who named you forest man does this sound familiar?" she coughs" pff moe like forest man!" " why yess yes it does" stated forest man " you helped me to relise i was wearing waay to much cologne whats your name young acheiver?" " I am claudia valentine at your service! would you mind if i followed you around and took pictures of you and interviewed you for the local newspaper?" said claudia " why of cource not you can even follow my family!" said forest man " well now since your here mabe you can help me i am searching to find myself ... have you seen me anywhere?" " why yes i do belive i have" said claudia " check in here" she hands him a small compact mirror " forest man looks into the mirror with a shoked look on his face " THERE I AM!" he said well now that i have found myself i can go home and go back to bed..." " okaywell i will call you tomorow whats your shell # ? " said claudia " "oh it is square apple 4-purple run flower doorknob" said forest man " oh okay well i will call you later" she replied "bye" then they walked there seperate ways ( well actually he walked her home since she is only six then he walked to his home wich was cnvieniently place 2 houses down from hers and went to bed)...THE END!

One day Forest man and Forest boy decided to go for a hike... " now boy its time i tell you about the birds and the bees" said forest man " okay!" exlaimed forest boy as he has waited 13 years of life to hear this " you see son in a... hive ther is usually a bee and many workers and the workers do whatever the bee says i this world all women are bees and us men" points to self and boy " are the workers... do you understand?" " yes father suddenly my whole life has been made clear as a newly cleaned window..." now about the birds they make nests to live in and have chicks then the chicks fly away and they all live hapily ever after in this great big world... do you under stand?" " yes father" said forest boy then all of a sudden they looked ahead and there was a huuuuuuuuuuge mountain " ahhh! mount kalapitomakiflashokonilappatikkiyammahummuaninikop alarechinyequtinimama" how b-e-a-utiful" this mountain was beautiful but beheld many misteries... such as mountain man and pumpkin man 2 new charechters you are about to meet " hello there" said a rather tall man with a husky voice carying a back pack " i am mountain man and this.... * unzips backpack... small orange man pops out* is pumpkin man my very best friend" "well hello th.." atempted forest man when he was interupted by mountain man " no need to speak my boy i know the drill you are forest man and this is your son forest boy i get it you see i know everything about you not because i stalk you but simply because i live with you you see every one in your house living with you is me... i can transform my self into anything and everything i can be a little girl a mother an emo a fat man a zamboni driver a camper a superstar a druggie and even a sporty type charechter and even though these people are very different i am them all and now i am mountain man but i am not forest boy... you ... or pumpkin man okay?" ... " um okay" said forest man " so i am maried to you you are my daughter my uncle my friends and my pet...? right?... oh boy.. this has been odd i think im gunna take my boy here home and get some sleep...." " okay! see yah there" said mountain man...THE END!

one day when forest boy was sitting on the beach patiently waiting for tomorow ( his 16th birthday) a little old lady walked up and hit forest boy in the head with a horribly ugly beach bag and said " stop sitting there ur gunna get fat" so then forest boy replyed " beach grandma beach grandma lend me your hand tel me somehting that i am afaid of / will remember" so from then on forest boy and beach grandma were best friends forever ... THE END!

One day ( forest boys birthday) forest man sat down with forest boy to have a talk..." forest boy my son we must talk" said forest man " yes dad we do you see i am 16 as of today and that makes me a man and as a man i do not want to be called forest boy so therefore my new name will be forest ricardo.."
said forest boy to his father who by now is nearly teary eyed with the thought of his only son becoming a man but he is gunna talk now so i guess i better shut up "DONE! and also my son i was wondering what you wanted to for your birthday?" "well dad" said forest ricardo..." i want to....
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MOVE BACK TO THE FOREST!"
with that both the boys paked there begs left everyone behind on the island to find for themselves and of they went! once they got there forest decided to go ponder the past 16 years of his life and while doing that he ran into a loverly young lady named delilah dreamer ( who had grown up a lot since they were children) and when he got home...lets just day he was a changed man...THE END!


One Day Forest ricardo... was walking to delilahs house with his new "fashionable" atire and "sexy" hair courtesy of delilahs great fashion advice when he tripped on something "umph" said forest ricardo..."what the oh it's just you hahaha" "yes" said harlan hazardous"i was just lying here cuz theres nothing else to do" "oh i see" said forest ricardo..."well u can come with me and delilah were just gunna hang out and go for a walk" "well can we stop by my grandmas house first cuz i was suposed to dilever this crap in a basket to her but then i decided to lay down instead"said harlan hazardous " yeahs sure" said forest boy with a chukle. once they got there they rang the door which was conviniently answered by delilah her self " i just have to get my backpack then we can go" she said " wait here..." " harlan?" she mouthed to forest. he just shugged. "well shal we?" said forest once delilah came out then they left but once they got to harlans grandmas house they were destracted by her beautiful garden " yoo hoo" said harlans grandma ( garden grandma) " im over here children i got stuck in the rose bushes can you help me out?" so with a tug garden grandma was out of te roses and she went into the house with her basket and said " feel free to pick from my garden what you like" so the kids started to look through it deilah piked roses and daisys and of cource delilahs she also piked some fresh fruit. forest ricardo... picked flowers FOR delilah and some vegetables then out of nowhere popped kirsten carniverous so deilah ran to hug her and then told her to pick some stuff so she piked one daisy and last but not least harlan well harlan he picked some weeds from garden grandmas garden and some carots so he can grow big and strong then they all got sunglasses because of peer pressure oh and druggie doug showed up and piked weeds to then he sold them to forest man...told him it was drugs and then Forest Man tryed to smoke the weeds and he just started coughing and got a stomach ache and went to garden grandma and said " help my tmmy hurts"; and she made him eat aloe vera and then his tummy didnt hurt anymore and thats why you shouldnt get caught in rose bushes... THE END!

One day there came a time for forest ricardo... to go back to school so on tuesday september second him and delilah got all dressed ujp their very best and went back to schooland while they were on the bus this is the conversation that went on "ahh grade 11 how exiting!" said forest ricardo... "oh my gosh i know im so exited and now i finnaly have a boy friend to walk around the halls with!" said delilah. "hehe yeah" said the vvery blujshing forest ricardo... then all of a sudden a voice came from behind who was it?! why it was...* cue evil music* jawny jutebox!!! "yauw gawys arrr sewww cooot! ayt maykes may wanna' PAUKE!! HAY HAY HAY!" "oh no it's...jawny jutebox!!" said delilah you see jawny jujte box was a poor talking contry prep who moved from the farm to the forest when he was 4 so he still has a slight accent from the country but on top of that he talks like a prep and everyone hates him yet he owns the school pretty much." go away preppy prutebox!! everyone hates you and we would all apriciate if you would shut up!" said forest ricardo... " YEAH! SHT UP PREPPY PRUTEBOX!!" said the rest of the school bus kids! after that the rest of the bus ride turned into complete madness books flying everywhere monkeys screaching about people runing around naked blowing things up...complete chaos but aventually they got to school alive...THE END!



One day Forest boy was hanging out with his good friends Desiree Devestation and Morgan Morphine and it was a friday night and they decided to call there drunk friends Jeff and Harlan Heroine well jeff and Harlan were very drunk and Desiree and Morgan and Forest boy were not and they had good times talking and desiree had to put her hair up to write this story and morgan went to pee and jeff went to bed cuz he likes men and harlan didnt cuz he likes men ao they all went clubbign exept for jeff cuz he was sleeping then when they came home harlan went to bed with jeff and they all lived happily ever after and morgan desiree nad forest boy were quite pleased too bad it wasnt hot out and harlans compo wasnt working!THE END!