1-Bikes dont get pregnant
2-You can ride them whenever you want
3-Bikes dont whine unless something is really wrong.
4-You can ride your friends bike
5-You dont have to work hard every time you ride your bike
6-Bikes dont care if you buy bike magazines
7-If your bike is too loose you can tighten it
8-Bikes dont insult you if you are bad rider
9-You dont have to take a shower before you ride your bike
10-You can ride your bike the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see movie or meet its parents
29 THINGS TO DO IN A ELEVATOR!!
1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8)Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.
9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Start asking somone if they will look at your rash for you/Ask your friend how thier rash is doing.
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space
27) Claim you are batman and ask if they would like to be your assistant
28) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
29)Get a bunch of friends to fill up an elevator so there is no room, and then tell the people waiting for the elevator to wait for the next one...then stay on the elevator until you return to that floor
~!~!REASONS ITS GREAT TO BE A GUY~!~!
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female
3. A 5 day vacation requires only 1 suitcase
4. You dont have to monitor your friendz sex lives
5. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter
6. You can open all your own jars
7. Old friends dont give a crap whether you've gained or lost weight
8. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind
9. When clicking through the channels, you dont have to stall every shot of someone crying
10. You dont have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere u go
11. You can go to the bathroom without a support group
12. Your last name stays put
13. You can leave the hotel bed unmade
14. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
15. Sex means never worrying about your reputation
16. Wedding plans take care of themselves
17. If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend
18. You dont have to shave below the neck
19. None of your co-workers has the power to make you cry
20. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices
21. You can write your name inn the snow
22. Everything on your face gets to stay its origonal colour
23. Chocolate is just another a snack
24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
25. Flowers fix everything
26. You can wear a white shirt to the waterpark
27. Three pairs of shoes to more then enough
28. You can eat a banana in a hardware store
29. Nobody stops telling a god dirty joke when you walk into a room
30. You can whip off your shirt on a hot day
31. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from gettin laid
32. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me"
33. The world is your urinal
34. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
35. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this ones just too skeevy
36. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you're wearing
37. Grey hair and wrinkles only adds wrinkles
38. You dont have to leave the room to make an emergancy crotch adjusment
39. Wedding dress: $2,000; Tuxedo rental: $75.00
40. You dont care if someones talking behind your back
41. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earths population in 15 tries, atleast in theory
42. You dont have to mooch off others desserts
43 If you retain water, its in a canteen
44 the remote is yours and only yours
45. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
46. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift
47. Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers
48. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
49. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
50. You needn't pretend you're freshening up to go to the bathroom
51. If you dont call your buddy when you say you will, he wont tell your other friends you've changed
52. You can rationalize any behaviour with the handy phrase "screw it"
53. If another another guys shows up at a party with the same outfit, you might just become lifelong buddies
54. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"[/size]