While working out I thought of something interesting, I'm getting feedback that I should get back in the game and "find" a girlfriend. But when I hear the term girlfriend, I feel the pain, the hurt and the lies. The reason is kuz I "wanted" one for so long that when she found me I thought I was set. But that wasn't the case and it burned me and left me hurt. I didn't need her. I was still looking for myself and my life.

So when someone says I should search or find a girlfriend, I immediately think why? Why do I "want a girlfriend? There are girls that I want don't get me wrong and they are amazing girls, but here's the key I don't NEED a girlfriend yet. I have to figure out more aspects of my life. Not only that the girl has to have time for me, wants to be with me and has to have her life figured out somewhat. There's no such girl yet, thus I don't need anyone. When that girl comes around and challenges me at the mentality that I have and I find that I can't help but be with her then and only then will I need someone and that's when I'll find someone amazing.

That's my explaination to my phrase: "I want a girlfriend kuz of who I am, but I don't want a girlfriend kuz of who I am."

The ones that know me best know what that means. This is my thoughts

Sometimes I tend to get distracted with things that are meaningless in others eyes.

Sometimes I just stare and wonder how my life could be different.

Sometimes I reflect on the the obstacles I overcame.

Sometimes I don't pay attention to anyone because my thoughts are more important.

Sometimes I get bored and feel like writing a note about random blabber.

Sometimes I just don't give a crap.

Sometimes I wonder why I just wrote in rated PG.

Sometimes I wish I could just quit, knowing full well I can't and I won't.

Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong, making me fight for survival.

Sometimes I wonder when it will just stop.

Sometimes I wish my dad was still here.

Sometimes I really wonder how I got so lucky, so blessed.

Sometimes I just need to stop.

- Moved out

- Found someone that made me more happy than any girl ever had

- Got a job in my field, and I love it a lot

- Still have the most amazing friends alive

- So happy that a lot of my close friends are having babies

- More happy my sister is getting a baby girl, near my bday

- Talking to my mom and my family way more than I ever did

- I grew up, got more mature, realized a lot of things and accepted a lot

- Made a few changes, making new goals and still wishing

- ALWAYS and still missing my dad

- Still miss that girl

- Went to BC and saw all my friend's that I mised for years. Didn't see one important person but I know I will!

- And just now melted after eight chocolate in my tea mmmmm so yummy