On a side note. Home in my own bed for like the third night in a row.
Weird, fucked up, I know.
I have little fingerprint bruises EVERYWHERE on my right arm... I'm
like 99.9% sure it's from Chris because well... he's the only one
who touches me... and we wrestle and beat on each other nonstop so
that's got to be from him.. Unless I'm doing it to myself in my sleep..
or he's doing it to me in his sleep : P
People at work are starting to think he beats me or something.
My whole neck is COMPLETELY fucking purple... everywhere.. it's like
a million hickies all wrapped into one... fml.
Have tomorrow off thank fucking god.
I'm debating on a second job.. which sounds like a bad and good idea all
at once.. Just until I have enough money to be stable on my own and
then I can quit one and just keep going on with life.
Life is just... happy.. and calm.. and safe right now... I like safe. I like
feeling safe.

I'm emotionally retarded.
I never loved you.
I never cared.
I was more afraid of being alone.
I don't care.
I never will.
I fucking hate people.
I fucking love you.
I fucking love my friends.
I'm in a bad mood now.
Writing that big long private blog didn't help.
Fuck the world.
Fuck your face.
Fuck the promises.
Fuck love.
Fuck relationships.
... Wait not.
I like this one.
We're equal. Even.
Understands me.
Fuck that. Fuck this.
I don't get me.

Been home almost a month, and JUST finally put up Cuba pictures.
That's what happens when you're rarely on your own computer... or at
home Ooops.

I have a million little finger sized bruises on my arms and legs and sides..
never before has this occurred in my entire life. My neck also looks like
that teletubby vaccuum cleaner thing attacked me.... if I'm not careful
people are going to assume that Chris beats me....

Finally been talking about moving out for real this time which should
be a little bit interesting. Mom knows that it's going to happen soon,
I know it's going to happen soon, and we all know that it'll be for good
this time.

I felt sick up until the point I saw your face, and then life was pefect again.

I'm sooo tired of you spending more time with him than I do. I know that
I said I was ok with it... but seriously. Calm it the fuck down...

The reason I'm not jealous of any of your ex's is because as sad as this is,
I KNOW that I'm prettier than all of them... The only one that is probably
about the same in looks would be Jessie, but she's a cunt so that automatically
makes her ugly.

Love the random shit me and the boyfriend do. I can almost match him when
we wrestle, and if he gets me in a position where I can't get out I pretend
it hurts and he lets go then I'll get him : D
I love that he doesn't care about going easy on me or that he's going to
break me or anything. Nobody understood before that I'm NOT going to
break. He sits on me or lays on me or wrestles me without any fear and
I feel like we're equal thank fucking god.

I like when your friends instead of mine tell me how cute they think we are.
: )

Possibly going camping for 3 days next week... booyeaaah. Miss camping
and shit. It'll be weird to be with my family for that long though o_O

I'm super glad that you're leaving town soon... Then there's no way in hell
I'll have to run into you. Running into your family is bad enough. Fuck.

I don't care if you don't know anything about me... For the first time all I want
is to know everything about you. I usually don't care about getting to know
somebody... but I could listen to you talk about your past for hours... and
I have : P

I've never felt more connected or close like this with anybody. You keep telling
me things that I would never have imagined that anybody would tell me, and
I tell you things that only family would ever know... This shit's so crazy and
I don't know how to express myself. It makes me want to paint, draw, write,
run. Anything. Be creative. Be me.

First night in my own bed in so long
Once again I'm not able to sleep alone. So I'm sitting here reading a book
that was bought days ago
Mom told me that I should just move in with Chris seen as I don't eat or sleep
here anymore.
I don't mind not doing anything with my life atm. I don't mind just working my ass
off 9-10 hours a day to come home to a smiling face, and outstretched arms.
I don't mind coming home to no luxuries, turning off my phone, not checking
facebook, not having to be constantly bothered by people, not spending money
on having fun, not having to drive anywhere. I can sit there and toke or be
sober. I can go run around like a little kid at night, or go skateboard where I want
to. I can do anything I want, and I don't need to have an occupation for it.
I don't need money to make me happy.
For the first time since I can remember... I am happy without money, without
new things, without going and spending my money. I was broke as shit from
October to February, and I felt so fucking depressed and out of the loop because
everything that my boyfriend, and friends wanted to do was expensive or cost
me money.
Now I have a boyfriend who doesn't need to always be spending MONEY to have
fun. We can do anything and still laugh our asses off.
That's how relationships should work. No jealousy, no fighting, no yelling,
no being pissed off about who I talk to or hang out with.
I never have to be afraid to say anything or bring up anything in front of Chris.
I can talk about my ex boyfriends all I want and he can talk about his ex girlfriends
all he wants, and we still understand. We like to hear all the fun or stupid things
that we did in the past no matter who it was with.
This kid can't get any more perfect for me.
I know that we came from two very different worlds, and yet we're two peas
from the same pod.

On another note... I FINALLY went in and got my braces tightened. They didn't
bother putting on a new bracket on my tooth even though I broke that one
off months ago... oops. These are my second last set of wires and then
bam they come off : )

Heading up to the pass in 3 days : ) hooray! can't wait to go for a hike and
tear shit up. Haven't been back there in almost a year (:

I like how my ex boyfriend and my boyfriend talk on facebook all the time :/
awkward : P but it's nice because then when the ex boyfriend texts me I
don't have to hide it or pretend or anything.

Also... I swear to god if I let it slip before you do... I'll probably not be
too happy with myself : P

but I'm not going to, ever get over you. <3

Meerrrp.
had the best sleepover with my boyfriend last night.
also the night before last we made pot brownies...
best mother fucking things ever.
But we didn't have a brownie pan so we used a graham
cracker pie crust pan thinger and made a pie...
yeaaah buddy.
another sleepover tonight <3 hooray.

Basically.. I messed up my knee long boarding and skate boarding drunk last night..
went to do a kick flip and I fell on my fucking bad knee... then I used the
ripstick all the way back hoping I could just walk it off... yeah apparently not.
Going up to the pass next week to go see Chris's family and go on adventures : )
Finally I get a day off work tomorrow... which will probably be wasted doing
stupid shit.
I honestly fucking HATE when you hit on him like that. It pisses me right off.
To a point I really don't mind because I know you're joking, but it's the
moments when you're being completely serious and I know that you are
that pisses me off. Best friends don't do that shit. Be friends with him, hang
out with him, hang out with both of us, but I swear to god if you keep talking
to him that way I might have to knock you out. Especially if you keep doing
it while I'm drunk... Not fucking cool.. You're my best friend... not somebody
who should be my enemy..
I never see my mom or dad or siblings anymore... : (
I basically don't even live at home anymore... Sad day.
Love when I go out to the bar with my boyfriend and these random guys
start picking me up and making me kick the other guy with my fuzzy boots..
and you know what.. CHRIS DIDN'T CARE. He laughed.
or when other guys check me out or call me beautiful and I quote straight
from Chris's mouth "I appreciate things like that. I like that shit because
then you know that it's not just me."
Where was this perfect boyfriend years ago?
I had this older couple come into work today. And the guy had this huge
look of glee on his face and he just starts talking randomly about how him
and his girlfriend hadn't seen each other for 47 years and just met up and
how they went back to their home town recently together and everyone
was talking about it. It honestly made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
hearing him talk about how happy he was and watching them smile
at each other. I couldn't believe that they'd gone 47 years without seeing
each other and then met back up through a mutual friend without knowing
that they knew each other... Loved that. Sooo much.
I am so much happier now that summer's here. So much happier now that
Im working. So much happier now that I'm being treated amazingly. So
much happier that I can talk to whoever I want, and hang out with whoever
I want. So happy that I can go out for drinks with my girlfriends and not
have somebody calling me and freaking out on me. So happy that I can
go out to the bar and not be bitched at or be threatened. So happy that
I'm not constantly lied to.
Life is almost perfect.