140160 hours into life I begin a chapter. Everyday, every hour, every moment is a chance to change it all. Each packed full of life determining decisions which affect you and everything around you. Which really in the grand scheme of things is very miniscule; a simple spec in the timeline of existence. We live... we experience all that we can... and then we die. You will be dead much longer than you will be alive. This is the truth of things so you'd better get used to the idea. The lives of men and women, cat's and dogs, birds and fish, are all simply hiccups in an endlessness that will never be realized by anyone. You are here now and you will be gone in some years, months, perhaps even days or hours. The execution of this plan will never change even though you will do your best to convince yourself otherwise. We merely feed of the scraps of words and wares consolidated by those that came before us. Just mass... void by structural integrity. Like anything else built or born, you will eventually succumb to the weight of the world or the weight of walking on it. It seems to be the only thing you have to come to terms with. That one day you will be lost. They will lose you. You will be forgotten and never heard from again. No one will ever know the story that was your life. Dead much longer than you will be alive. Some may say this is sad or depressing but in fact it proves to be quite the contrary. Imagine the weight lifted off your shoulders. Pure undeniable freedom! But first you must reach it. 的t is not until you have lost everything that you are free to do anything." Until you realize that you are hopeless... Lovely!


We start out standing up. Crawling, though commonly misconstrued as a mode that precedes upright maneuvers, came later. To everything there is an unseen direction that is both unfelt and unimagined. Some might call it fate. Others with less aptitude for things philosophical might call it dumb luck. I don't know if it is anything more that our lives playing out within expected parameters. Just maybe, in some other place, we my have possessed the smarts to know the difference. But the streets of out youth were paved with a sort of numbness that tricked the mind into believing that the world was something other than a globe that truly existed if one had the gumption to just keep walking. It is as if we were East Berliners, confronted by a wall and an outer force that was greater than ourselves combined. So there we remained walking those streets, idiots of impeccable loathing. And, as a product of our place and time, I知 lost for the type of language that one always hopes will offer a momentous beginning. SO instead I値l just say: It happened rather quickly... and I値l leave it at that.

Every story has a central figure. They池e called 'protagonists' I知 told. This story does not have a protagonist. Instead it has a mish-mash of characters that will never seem complete... just as this story will most certainly seem vague and full of holes for the simple fact that I am not a writer by trade. I, myself, am one of those incomplete characters. The only difference between them and I is that the voice in my head is wandering and not theirs. Which must lead you to wonder why one of them isn't telling you this and referring to my like I was dead. Probably because most of them are.

So now you know what I'm up to. The reconstruction of no good ... and a poor one at that.