<b>No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close.</b>
<br>I'm Michelle. I'm small and shy. I like the little things. I think it would be fun to take a blanket to a park, drink wine and fall asleep under the stars. I think it would be fun to make it a point to plan to hang out with someone i like on a rainy day so we can hold hands in the pouring rain. I think it would be fun to read kids books on a balcony. I think it would be fun to learn how to swing dance. I think it would be fun to pretend I'm everything I'm not and make a day out of it with someone, for example, dress up in my finest gangster clothes and go to the roxx. I think it would be fun to play video games when I get angry instead of actually thinking about why I'm angry. I think it would be fun to colour with crayons, outside of the lines with someone else. I'm not who you think I am. I ditch peoplea lot. I really do mean a lot. I dislike it a when people don't write back. My knees point inwards, I have the neck of a giraffe, my hands are really small, and i have a fat ass. its all okay though. lol. apple cider with cinnamon sticks, paint, photos, beauty in the breakdown. a mess, I'm full of emotion, completely forward, completely to myself. secrets, dancing, singing, staying warm, hair dye, hair cuts. dressing up, concided, open, trusting, loving, hateing.<b> theres more then blood that beats through my heart.</b> I like piano sounds. I like walking in the pouring rain. I'm more comfortable sleeping beside someone then I am sleeping alone. My tounge is tied. You have prob heard that saying, but have not actually seen the real thing. I have the real thing. I like shoes. Pizza and pepsi, ocean waves, blankets. I hate, I love, I forgive, but I don't forget. I'm quick to judge, and quick to hate. I love my babyyykittyy<3 She is my life. I grind my teeth a lot when I sleep because I'm under stress. Take me somewhere I've never been. Take me somewhere that I'll go back to, to feel comfortable. Take me away. I'm going to make something of myself one day, just watch. Stars, Skys, Boats, Oceans...one in a million. I have OCD, RLS and I lie a lot. I drink water straight from the door of my fridge, I'm too lazy to get a cup. Different, the same, tired, young. I sleep a lot during the day and hardly ever at night. I'm moving to Toronto at the end of August for college. I look a lot younger then I am, if you know me, you're probably suprised I'm even old enough to go to college. I find it very hard to trust people these days, because when I do, I tend to get let down. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are absoultly amazing. I've only felt truly comfortable once in my life and I'll never tell you where, when or with who. When I'm trying to sleep and I half fall asleep, I laugh outloud and it makes anyone around laugh at me. Sometimes I act really stupid, but I'm not. There are some people who have made their way into my life through inevitable circumstances that I can't imagine what my life would be like if they didn't happen. For example I met one of the most amazing girls in my life, Lauren through highschool and we've had our highs and our lows but she will always own a piece of me. I highly doubt you've read this far, but if you have, well thats cool, I suppose. I'm not very interesting, but I'll do my best to keep you occupied. I adore laughing, but I also have serious times. I'm a big baby and get worked up over rediculous things. I love to read. I don't like to shower. I smell like vanilla, or to some people .. like the summer. I spend too much money, when I really should be saving. I'm probably just like everyone else you've ever met before me. But I'm not. I personally think the world we live in is completley rediculous and there is so much going on that we chose to ignore. For example what happend in Rwanda, what IS happening in Nepal. It's sad and I feel sad that I can live this fucking amazing life, and somehow still act like I have problems. I don't even have a concept of what a problem is compared to some people, and neithe do you. Ask me what its like to have myself so figured out.
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I used to know this girl,
who gave her love away
to every guy she met,
with all those games they play.
She never seemed to cry.
She never got upset.
And one by one they came,
and one by one they left.
I thought that I could fix her
if she would let me in,
but all of my advances
were shot down in the end.
Days turned into months
I begged her to explain.
And this is what she sang
<b>"its not like im a slut
or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy i see
to walk away with part of me
until theres nothing left to hold,
until theres nothing left to hate.
I appreciate your help ,
but even you cant save me from myself."</b>
I used to know this boy,
who took notes in a book,
but he ripped out all the pages
before I got a look.
But all the words he scribbled
and all the lines hes filled
and ink stains in his fingers
told me he was skilled.
Capturing the feeling
that most of us just miss;
the simple pain of living
with goodbyes on our lips.
I found one of the pages
cumbled by her bed
and this is how it read
"its not like I am weak
and that i dont know how to leave
its just that every time you cheat
you bring me closer to defeat
until theres nothing left to love,
until theres nothing left to say.
I know that you need help
but even I cant save you from yourself."



Someone who loves with reckless abandonment.
<br>But then again, I know not to invest emotion into anyone anymore. It doesn't matter who you are.
<br>
<br>A boy whos hair isn't girlier then mine, who pants aren't tighter then mine and who isn't skinnier then I am. Unless you're Nikki Sixx.
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<br><a href="http://www.myspace.com/mugshot"><img src="http://www.mugshotonline.com/banner.gif" border="0"></a>
<br>
<br>Get into it.
<br>
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<img src=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v82/nick_sti​ck/TMC_BANNER.gif ></a></center>


ALL M. Night Shyamalan movies - Unbreakable, The Sixth Sense, Signs and The Village - , Mean Girls, Donnie Darko, Garden State, Ladder 49, Sweet November, Edward Sciccorhands, Closer , Almost Famous , Crash, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I am Sam

One day, someones going to love you the way you deserve. And from that day forward sadness will not touch you. There is something inside of you that I have yet to see in anyone else. You hold yourself upright in the worst of situations, but you know when you can break down too. You display a natural beauty thats I don't think god is even aware of and once you pass, you will be higher then even angels. Youre an adventure waiting to be taken, but with others haste you can become a ride that hasnt been switched on in days, for fear. You are untouchable, and sometimes thats scary. But deep down in your huge heart, you are far from scary, you are inviting, and wonderful and have so much integrity. You fight, and sometimes you lose, but youre always ok. You fall down and get hurt, and I really don't bealieve those scars are meant for you. Maybe they are, and maybe they are meant to help you teach others what not to do, and how to appreciate things. Your outer appearace, though elegant, shows your skin. Its looks unbreakable. Though really, youre just that sad, scared little girl in a supermarket looking for her mommy, looking to belong to someone, looking to be .. looked for. You are a light that so many people have yet to find, and once they do, you'll be gone. But really, one day, someone will get to you before you leave, and if they know whats right, they will never let you go. ever.

I guess theyre right when they say "when youve got nothing left, youve still got hope" because its hope right now thats keeping me going. Hope is that tiny light at the end of this tunnel and its the only way im coming out. Im learning to live my lfie one day at a time and just because today was bad and yesterday was too tomorrow is new and i can make it my own. I can make every day forward amazing until the memory of the bad days are gone, but I still want ot keep the good days, the old days. You were never just a girl in a coma or an overdose. To me you were beautiful and i knwe what you looked like with your big blue eyes open and inviting. Im not just a paramedic to you, where youre just another paitent to me. You are my life and just because youre gone, doesnt mean youre actually gone, because youre inside me and i can feel you thriving. When you left yourself you somehow put that energy into me and now youre just apart of me and it makes me so happy. Youre not just another nameless face occupying a wooden box 6 feet under ground to me.Youre the reason I wake up and the reason I enter my life with such confidence, you are my hope.

I will be ..
the girl who has so much to say, but will keep it all in.. until the perfect time when everything is right. the girl who feels so good just be to near to and just to be holding your hand. the girl who will play with your hair while you lie beside me. the girl who will get the most out something as simple as your touch. the girl who wont mind you hanging out with the guys. the girl who doesnt need you every second of every day, thuogh im always thinking about you. the girl who will love sleeping over at your house, and then youre house will become my second house. the girl whos most comfortable in your bed, with you, while a movie is playing.. though were only watching eachtoher. the girl who makes jokes and laughs at you and myself. the girl who is like you, only a girl. the girl who doesnt mind just staying in. the girl who you will complete. the girl who will cook you dinner. the girl who will trust you more then shes ever trusted anyone before. the girl who wants to meet your mom. the girl who owns her flaws. the girl who has a million things wrong with her, but is still perfectly content with herself. the girl you think is cute. the girl who will love you more then anyone in her entire world, because technically, her entire world is you. the girl who wont "do anything to be with you" because i know if i do it will end up hurting you as you are right now. and as i am right now, im happy just to know you, and im happy that youre already happy. and just becuse someone else needs you, doesnt mean i need you any less.

{b}out of love{/b}
I miss being young, and out of love. Though 'in love' would be the proper term for that sentance, I've never been 'young and in love'. When I was young I was so out of love and so happy being me. Then I was pushed to grow up too fast and I met a boy who affected me in so many words it would be impossible to be write on paper. And as fairytale magic as that sounds, it was so far from. It has been theorized that when something goes up it must come down and the same goes for when something goes in; it must come out. Falling out of love is so much harder then falling in because you get hurt, scrap your knees and gather scars along the way. I just miss being me.

To see such beauty come from inside a person would give one a revalation of sorts, an epiphany almost. It would give one the realization that a change is in order.. a change for the better.. a change of hearts.
Te feel such a beauty pulse through every senes your body has aquired is mindnumbing..
breathtaking..
simply put..
amazing.
To touch skin again skin and have a rush take over your entire being is that of a miracle
so what does that make you?
because I've never been able to feel my heart beating in my head, in my fingers, in my smile, in my laugher.. until you said "hello"
the following events continued to impress all the way into my room and behind the door
and I still dont know what you are
or who you're here for...
simply put...
youre amazing.

i wished too hard, too long, too fast and too much
now im alone with your touch
yeah im so alone, alone with you
but youre not really alone too,youre inside your head with your girl in your bed. Did you even hear what i just said? Im so confused by how you act like i actually mean something back.
but i dont, and i wont, even if shes gone. or is it only when shes gone? only when youre alone, because you know im so alone.
now im alone with your touch
yeah im so alone, alone with you
and im just there when you need a story to tell your friends about all those dangerous weekends. when she was out of town and you were feeling down and i was there because ill always be there but you dont actually care. until its the right time for you, its always about you. I dont know how long i can go on doing this , i mean i said anything in the world, but you take it too far when you speak in that tone and ask me if i want to go to your room alone
now im alone with your touch
yeah im so alone, alone with you

I need to know where I stand and whats going through your head. I cant handle having you back in my life but it being so different. I need all of you, or none of you, its just to hard to deal with this little part of me that youre giving. Its reminding me of the time we were falling and breaking. I'm jealous of everyone else and everything you do. I need you more then you can ever imagine. I got to the point where I was over it and I could deal with you not being beside me. Not being my life, not being my soul. Without you i couldnt even cross the street, you were my heart and my everything, you were what made me..me. Then you left and you were just gone and I was lost and alone. Now I don't know what I am or where I am or who I am. Because here you are, standing close..but not beside me.. and I just need to know where I stand. Is it still you and me against the world? It will always be you and me against the world.

Generally, I'd like to meet someone who knows who they are and why they are here. Not to know why they were put on this earth just yet, but to know they can make themselves whatever they would like. Someone who lives, loves, and fails. If you know what it is to fail then you know what it is to forgive and to be forgiven. And everyone in the world is just looking to be forgiven by a certain person. Someone whos trys again, succeeds, yet still bleeds. Someone who will make 100 mistakes in life, and not forget a lesson learned. Someone who fights, lies and cheats. I want to meet someone who owns their flaws, so they cannot be owned by anyone else. Someone who will get back up and applogize, who fears, takes risks and is constantly changing. Someone who sees the pointlessness that is called life, yet still makes it a dire point to live. Someone who appreciates the people who surround them and surrounds themself with people who will better their existance and make their life. Thats what its all about you know, the people you befriend, and who are around you make you who you are, and because of this, I want to meet you.

You can tell thats shes lost by the lack os substance in her eyes. You can look into them and they seem bright green but you can tell how truly colourless they really are. thats what happens to a girl when shes lied to so many times her life in one living lie and she doesnt know which way is up anymore. Almost like when your in the ocean and the undertoe pulls you under. You fight to reach the top but it keeps pulling and pulling and soon enough you hit the reef and boy does that hurt. You know, to be pushed down to the bottom, it hurts. Look closer in her eyes and you can see regret. The only emotion left in her hollow body. Regret for every word she said, and everyone she draged into her lies. When someone lies so much it eventually gets to the point where they dont even know the truth, look at her, she doesnt know. Though her eyes may never be the same again, never like they were growing up, before she was jaded, you know when the sandbox wsa all that matterd. Though she will never be that bright again shes going to fight to regain conciousnessa nd fix evreything shes done wrong. Shes just sorry.

no matter how much you think you love someone, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges too close

Why is she so different? Because her hair is black instead of brown with blonde streiks? Because her clothes don't come from American Eagle? Because she actually enjoys the art of body modification, but to you it's plainly known as piercing? Because shes silly and funny and fun and nice and mean and open and trusting and shy? Because shes not like every other girl you see walk by you in the halls everyday? Because she makes you turn around and wonder whats going through her head, whether it be good or bad? Some people would take these qualities and fucking adore them because they know they are never going to find anyone exactly like her ever again. You, instead, look at them as being bad, because youre used to routine and the sluts that follow it. Maybe one day you will look in the mirror and look actually inside yourself and realize being just like everyone isn't all that its cracked up to be. By the time that happens, she will be long gone, because she won't stick around long for someone whos just...the same.

I wished you'd feel smaller under your sheets
I wish for the whole truth everytime you speak
and think about how you care half as much for me
while i watch you arive, smoke ciggaretts, leave
and i guess it doesnt matter what i say and what i see
you stuck what i felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
ignoring me the morning after isn't enough
I swear I'm gunna cry, I'm sick of trying to be tough
my blood won't stick to the confines of my veins
and your heart is gunna tear mine away
and I wished you feel smaller under your hands
though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down your pants
and im thinking about how you care half as much for me
while you lift up my shirt after asking politely
and i guess it doesn't matter what I am or pretend to be
cause its her you'll always love and its her I'll always envy
I wanna end this now so dreams of you won't keep me up
and I swear I'm gunna cry, I'm sick of trying to be tough
my blood won't stick to the confines of my veins
and your heart is gunna tear mine away
and its hard to find what I want
when its buried beneath the biggest rock
I coud pay lots of money to help lift it with machines
but I'm not sure you'd co-oporate, not sure you'd come clean
I wish to feel smaller under your sheets
I wish for the whole truth everytime you'd speak
and I think about how you care half as much for me
while I watch you arive, smoke ciggarettes, leave
and i guess it doesnt matter what i say and what i see
you stuck what i felt for you in the pocket of your jeans
ignoring me the morning after isn't enough
I swear I'm gunna cry, I'm sick of trying to be tough
my blood won't stick to the confines of my veins
and your heart is gunna tear mine away

I'm so goddamn angry right now. and I just need to vent and I need it write it all out, and I need ot talk about people, and im sorry if im talking about you, because to be honest I probably am. I'm just really sick of people fucking me around. I'm really sick of people who act like they are cute fucking shit, and all they do is compliment and talk to the "coolest" fucking myspacers they can find, just so everyone thinks they are cool. Well guess what!?!?! The people you talk to, dont even care about you, they dont care what you think about them or that you think they are "sew hawt" and they are only commenting you back just to be polite.. because thats who they are, they are nice people. And maybe if you took the time a day to look at something about them besides their faces and tattoos, and maybe actually happen to MEET then rather then message them, then maybe you would know they were just nice people too. You don't hang out with them, youve never fucking met them, so stop fucking TRYING! god, is it so goddamn hard to live your life, that you have to fake your way through everything just to compensate for what you already have, go out, dont sit on your fucking computer anymore. And another thing, I'm sick of people acting like they are so much better then everyone (yeah i know i do it too, i dont care). I just dont like it when people are so fuckin hypocritcal and make fun of scene kids for being.. whatever.. and then wear the same fucking shit, and do their hair the same fucking way. Im sick of people saying scene kids look all the same.. well what do you think gangsters look? completely different? Nope, I'm pretty sure theyve all got the same fucking jerseys on and jeans down to their fucking ankles, but do i fucking yell shit at them? No, so how bout acting like youre out of fucking elementary school and getting over yourself. I'm sick of people acting like im such a different person now. Why? because I have short hair? oh no!!! like wow.. someone definatly said I was weird now.. meanwhile they dont take a minute out of their fucking day to have a meaningless conversation with me, ot at least know im the same god damn conceided, angry, shy bitch ive always been. Most of all im sick of people.. mainly of the male gender, fucking wiht my head. I dont like people telling me they want ot hang out and then not hanging out, I dont like people ACTING like they like me, and then having a fucking girlfriend. I lost my fucking bestfriend over a stupid worthless piece of shit boy. Who Im fucking in love with. Thanks, thanks a lot. I hate him more then anything right now though, I never want to see his face again, but then why do i keep looking? I hate feelings, I hate that i cant stop feeling. I hate how i fell head over heals in love with my best friends and i feel like ive lost her and theres nothing anyone can do or say to help it. I'm breaking down right now and I dont know what to do without her. Its so weird, because she can be right beside me, I can see her, but shes sooo fucking far away. Whatever. I hate the people I used to hang out with because they are so immature Im honestly ready to punch them every two seconds, and then the people Id like to hang out with are all over 19 and therefore go to bars and therefore I cannot hang out with them all the time.
I cant deal with anyones bullshit anymore, I'm so sick and tired of it I dont even know how to deal with it. I just wanna punch someone. And I want ot move, I want ot pakc up and move to california where I dont have to see anyone or anythin here again. Seriously.
oh ps. i dont need your "blahblahblah whiney baby overdramatic" responses.. dont you think ive already said it all to myself? Kthanks.

I hoep you know youve finally made me fall in love
with something so much more then a pretty face
so much more then a waste of space
with something that consumes my ever waking day
i dont know how i know its actual love
but i do
and it is
and you are
you are so much more
i cant even bring to words the inexplinable pressence you carry
that is displayed to ever human being every time youre withen at least 10 feet
maybe you should have put up a warning sign
something that said "if we meet, one of us will fall in love, but if youre still up for it, just please let me know"
then at least id have a slight chance of bracing myself for this fall
im falling so hard
im still waiting
waiting
to hit the ground
and realize love isnt all its cracked up to be
I'm not sure why I'm even writing this
since I've already told everyone I'm in love
I didnt write it on paper
or on the internet for everyone to read
i took an invisible marker and covered myself in everything that has to do with you
and they just took one look at me
and knew it was love
knew that a girl such as myself could not look so elegant
unless her heart was in someones hands
please dont drop it this time
im making you my life line
and everyone knows it
its you thats finally made me fall
and its the first time i really dont care if i ever get up again