"My mind is my worst enemy"- shrink


I'm a bit better today, but the mind is taking a toll on me. The mind and body is weak again to the certain extent of getting sick and almost sent to that damn hospital again. I've seen a bunch of health professionals ranging from a psychologist to a youth care worker. Endless meetings and check-ups are out and about. My mother forced me to come with her to pay her Sears bill and make some refunds. I swear! I'm like NOOOOOO! Then again it's not good for me to just sleep all day because then it's a long haul of depression once more. I want to sleep again all day. I was so dizzy walking through Sears and then my mother made me go to American Eagle. HIDE! I saw a classmate's mother of mine from Holy Cross.....I swear they're going to ask me how I am and then maybe go about my reason for not going to Holy Cross and LALALALALALALALAALA. I miss Holy Cross but I think it's good I'm away from all the "drama and stress". Anyway, we left American Eagle and I realized I couldn't walk in a straight line! Seeing people was just sooo dizzy my brain was like hurting or whatever. No! It's not a headache. It's like a tingle or some chemical imbalance.

I feel like going back to school but my body is soooo not ready. Shrink doctor says that no way am I going to be ready for the dance competition at Notre Dame in a week's time. He's right. The health worker was right. I was possibly going to suffer another round of this mental illness stuff. I'm downright recovering. It's taking time, but sometimes I just want to force and stretch that brain muscle of mine to the way I was before. The year of major change. I'm in a new school with a new set of study techniques. It's soo sad! My mind and body are not cooperating! I want to study for a test and if I force myself to study then I'll start to shake. Stress is evil. I used to be able to handle much more stress and load at Holy Cross and in Tamanawis I can't take the littlest stress. My body is responding differently, but I swear if a whole bunch of Holy Crossers came to Public Schools ... we're gonna kick ass!!!! LOL!!! Hmmmm I'm so use to that whole competition thing. It's fun but lifestyles are now different.

So I was talking about Grad to some of my friends and their pictures are next week during the BC CATHOLIC BASKETBALL GAMES. The dance and the Notre Dame Dance Competition is on the same day! I'm not going to both of them. I didn't even go today for my UBC LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE - UBC FUTURE TREKKERS or the KIDS HELP PHONE meeting. I can't handle a lot of brain activity or whatever right now. It feels inactive but at the same time active. I don't know I'm suffering from 4 different mental illnesses. Crazy right? That should explain this whole process. How can one year of stress or how can one year itself can bring it down to this? I'm hanging in there and I'm trying to be strong. It's so hard as it is.