FUCK! how do you "undo" ??
i wish i were a better person. i wish i had qwerty and auto correct.
mf

Oh my the memories of your great tits have escaped my world forever. You HAVE aged, as i thought you, my fair lady, would not.Time has not been good. Oh my! The simple angles in which you show your self now are truly not showing anything.Cle "Hello?*phone rings*" vage is not clevage when your not hot. Sweaty rolls are not sexy on your stomach, nor your chest. It is your chest i once coveted above all else (you were bad in bed) and then your clevage and ... then your busting shirtless light blue bra. Once what was hot and allureing is nothing more then a runied memory i lost that night when i won my freedon. I dont miss you anymore. Oh my i think i am in love!

hey its me again... lost out there (this blog anyways) in the sea of thoughts which we call "today". I talked to my oldest (though not old) sister today about what to do with my life. I find myself always looking to her for advice as i find myself closest to her in my tight knit family. she told me to do anything, just do something. Do it smart by doing it fast and dont worry about doing something you dont like, because you can always do something else. As long as i just do something. Ya... Something with a capital FU is what my head knocks around when i think about my next step. A negative way i know, unhealthy but guiding me none the least. So tomorrow or tomorrows tomorrow i must I MUST finally do something. *urg* and just doing it will help me out big time. I know it

so once apon a time there was a place not so similar to this one here. Where we all are. This place was a world and un-beknown to all othere only one lived her. He would walk through their world yet never bee seen or herd or remembered. A story about pain in which only great love could bud from and only the greatest intentions could come forth. A man who lost everyone around himself for he could not define himself from his dreams of happyness. Loosing his mind one piece of information at a time he experienced new wonders over and over, never holding on to the last days teachings. A journey through a timeless blurr of thoughts which could never manifest for a drive of passion was a lack. Dismill and cooperant in his own lifes fight. The greatest diplomacey is one fought through thoughts. TO BE CONTINUED...

watching tv seems so real that i almost puked when realizing how it affects me. I recalled the feeling that i had 20 minutes before when working on my car. being lost as what to do next kept playing over and over in my consciousness. As i watched i realized it was numbing my senses to something i wanted and loved, cars. The program was a recently recorded "drivers seat" talking about a Ferrari F430. "what many guys can only dream about" was the remark which caught my attention. It was like a slap to the face saying "dreams are what hold you down to dreaming" What differs from me and the guy racing down a road in the car "of my dreams" (which its not) Is it the money? Or the life style which leads to what he wants? Ill take a moment here to think about that one... k well not a moment. I do not want to be the guy dreaming about his life as it passes him by and I AM ALREADY! It sickens me to acknowledge this but its true and i want to stop it. I want to feel as if i am in control and not some foreign object or idea. Not a place where i live, not a car that i drive or place where i work. Not a government or boss or something which i control already. Knowledge. I do not want to ask for it as i need to do it myself, not even i need to but i should and just continue too. Force your own walls away, allow the more important things to take charge and keep your mind on the betterness of life. after all life is meant to be enjoyed and LIVED TO THE FULLEST!

looking around today i ralize that people are lost in love. maybe the idea that everyone is and has it and the observer does not. or could it be that love is an equation between two people, who can never be sure its true. all i know is that i want to get there with someone who wants it as well.

hmm... well last blog was messed but almost cool. i want to go away from here, but dont know why. start a fresh life somewhere else with the knowledge learned from this one. Like how not to fuck your mind up loosing it into stupid adventures. How not to let yourself mess up love or what could have been and how to leave things behind so history will not scar. Can i just leave EVERYTHING behind? or should i remember the good times. ... the best of kind of things. ... drinking with friends, having the moments of "this is whats cool. just having a good time with friends" or should i reach my arms towards tomorrow hoping for a better best than the last? i am seriousley pissed off that i cant make up my mind. im sure alot of other people have been through this. Where are the fucking manuals?

walk or run just get it done. all around you there are people trying to help you by showing what they can do. Fuck them+ loose the fear. today and yesterday ive been smacked with the lessons of a life. it ends so i dont want to worry about 10, 20 & 30 years from now. i want to have fun now but still have a tomorrow to have fun in. if someone puts theyre life into money, and then with that money buy useless toys that are only good for a moment while always having a negative adverse effect on the community around them, theyre invested time which they have dwindelled away has turned themdelved into the same useless toy. investing something so precious as life into something so cold and unforgiving as material items will only ever erode which somany can only scream of. love. So i take time out of today to remember the memories and how i want to treat others, and how i want to live my time out here on earth. i will never run unless its for my own health, or to ensure a healthy tomorrow.

if i were in the fastest car, in the highest fling plane could i ever be free of all the worries which bag me down? all around me, through every fire exit and under every magic carpet there is my own self killing inhibitions,dreams and drives. As a tease i am not annoyed through everymoment of pain. i loose myself more and more through each day i run from what i want. a clear scape of void for someone who can understand, and acknowledge. tall, slim, fun. perfect to me and only me, but enveyed at the same moment as i loose her in every way possible. a tease through a moment in a car which was what i want to do.... fast and fun. only thing is that i am or am not dependable... also in my own eyes... am i daft? or confused? lost and dreaming of something which will never happen... i tear my self apart for an answer i loose in the mess... the pieces tease. i wish i could do this faster

tonight there was the most beautiful moon, hung just over the horizon as its sole purpose was to light all eyes who bestowed its serenity with content. i wanted to take a picture. When is enough enough? there are so many reasons to be what you are, who and why... i would like to say im me. im me. thats almost a double negative, in the sence as it configures a remark on ones self into an idea and never gives a real answer. i am me, nathan gale. a name among numbers among pictals within some computer somewhere. that is me to you anyways, i wish i could tell you who i am, but i am not sure, when does some random person or animal come up to you and say "O.K. man, your nathan and you know who you are, k? feel like you know what your doing untill you croke and clean between your towes or theyll sweat faster.... oh and whipe your ass sitting down cuz it cleans easier"? is the stuff i owne me? the car i broke, the girls ive fuct, or ths knowledge i have obtained.... i wish i couldnt wish, or better yet that i never learned the thought process. damn i need my pants ripped off and multiple beautiful women to rape me repeatedley for 1 month. ... ... Untill we need something *else * to drink

im almost assured that life does not change, just certin points in life change. this is almost depressing for isnt change good? if then when can i do all the things i want and have th elife i want to lead.. not the one i have watche dslip by from dawn to dusk, spring till winter every singel year. I was always told that if you want it, and you put your mind to it you can achieve anything. well if that is accurate then why is it so damn hard to make it ahead in life? to be free... ... ... ... so many obsticles yet a dream is a dream. dont just live em in your sleep. coming for ya! later days... which wont slip by.

forever and under a great white sheet of a life seen but not herd. herd but not seen. used yet useless. under because all i know is over. i feel true when i write with out a lie to my line i want something better forever. anew known old which can not be sold or traded. just own it. just be. in a place thats meant for anyone who knows... where music is life, a feeling is pure and emotion fluctuates with the rythm of a beautiful wave over the ocean of content. found without remembering the feeling of lost, but the essence of warmth when found.

if i run right now will i be able to reach that place i want to be at, or will i change in the process and end up somewhere that i dont wantto go at this moment in my life? If i cahse a dream, whats left after you reach it? and how many times will i regret the journey and where it leads me... is it better to watch my life from a distance then live it to what could be every moment? could i finish short and choose to relax in anything but what i want, forgeting who i am in the process due to an unfeared change that could bring me closer to what i want at this moment in my life? or would it be for nothing, changing to someone who has forgotten me.

do you ever? mabe never but forever i wonder what is there. ive always and will always want that much more. well not [..;;..''] that much more but all the world more. i wonder wonderous things, like what it could and would be if i had what everyone could. is everything possible? do you ever wonder what the human mind is capable of? ... mabe an ever after story is a description of what was, when and how. "The lord" was your average joe which was capable of so much. Nothing that anyone else couldnt do, but faith was the key, and despair the lock. In a time when man had condemned himself to untruth(in reality) disbeleif of a world that exists within everyone. As of today we can buy buy buy and earn nothing but less time to do what makes our soul happy. Our true selfs. Not the ones which tell us and have themselfs fooled over thier drive for perfection in their meaningless work of paper and computer. the work which makes someone ever more foiled by a fake world in materials, which in the end are left when we pass and turn to dust after being forgotten. Could there be a "true hapiness" in which ones outer shell is content with inner perfection? ... a life with the knowledge and understanding of why... pain... death... ever?

today but before i woke i wondered if this day is any different then yesterdays. I wonder upon it because the past few have smeared into one, being from a small caugh to 12 hours of sleep. everything feels like it did yesterday. the day before that too. Am i wondering about the future rather then the past, anxious to know what will come of my plans. Fear could be an answer, waiting to see my life fall appart. trying to remember the good times, which in realism wernt all that great. the past few days blur together and become one long forgetful paranoid day where everyone is moving so much faster.