Give it a listen!
Hope you girlskies and broskies dig!
Why is this so difficult?
Ah well.
I'm stoked on life.
I'll figure out what to put in this blog eventually.
<33
And, Emily - I saw you last night by the river
I dreamed you were skipping little stones across the surface of the water
Frowning at the angle where they were lost, and slipped under forever,
In a mud-cloud, mica-spangled, like the sky'd been breathing on a mirror
Anyhow - I sat by your side, by the water
You taught me the names of the stars overhead that I wrote down in my ledger
Though all I knew of the rote universe were those pleiades loosed in december
I promised you I‘d set them to Verse so I'd always remember ...
That the meteorite is a source of the light
And the meteor's just what we see
And the meteoroid is a stone that's devoid of the fire that propelled it to thee
And the meteorite's just what causes the light
And the meteor's how it's perceived
And the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee
Just So Happen To Like Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once shot down a German plane by simply pointing his finger at i and yelling "Bang!"
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris. More importantly, Chuck Norris does not fall in water.
Chuck norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck norris
CNN was originally the "Chuck Norris Network" but was later changed to a news station because the awesomeness of a Chuck Norris network kept blowing up satellites, TVs, and viewers' eyeballs
Chuck Norris scored a touchdown in hockey. The extra point was good.
Chuck Norris breathes pain instead of oxygen.
The "Chuck" in Chuck Norris is not short for Charles, it's short for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is known worldwide for his lawn gnome collection. Coincidentally, young children often go missing around his house
Chuck Norris once made an appearance on "Emeril". When Chuck said "Bam!," Emeril's head exploded and a pregnant woman in the audience gave birth. Undeterred, Chuck finished the show by preparing roast Emeril with a raspberry glaze and a side of baby
Chuck Norris doesnt believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris inspired Jesus to wear a beard.
While searching online for a quicker, more efficient way to bake muffins, Chuck Norris encountered the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button on Google. Taking this as a snide remark, Chuck Norris proceeded to destroy the search engine and fourteen orphanages for good measure. Chuck Norris is the only known man to have roundhouse kicked a search engine.
Chuck Norris can peel oranges with his eyelids.
Chuck Norris has a house that is in fact round.
Chuck Norris' phone number, 768-634-6873, spells out the word "roundhouse".
Chuck Norris doesn't need to use toilet paper because **** is too scared to stick to his ass.
Ashton Kutcher once Punk’d Chuck Norris. They both shared a good laugh. Later that day, Chuck Norris Pun’k Ashton by "pretending" to stab him.
Chuck Norris does not use spellcheck. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the acutal spelling of it.
Chuck Norris was on a season of Survivor once, but the entire season got cut after Chuck Norris murdered everyone on the island for eating his Cheetos.
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick anyone in the face if they're wearing red, just in case they're a Communist.
Chuck Norris doesn't follow the road. The road follows Chuck Norris.
Once, Chuck Norris was partying all night, and the sun came up. Chuck Norris didn't want to stop partying, so he made the sun go back down. With his mind.
Santa Clause once told Chuck Norris to sit in his lap. There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris created six extra letters of the alphabet that no one but Chuck Norris know about.
Chuck Norris turned down the lead in American Beauty because he refused to masturbate the two times it called for in the script. He wouldn't take the role unless he got to masturbate throughtout the entire film.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high five.
Why did the midget cross the road? Because Chuck Norris pistol-whipped it in the skull.
Chuck Norris owns neither microwave nor oven. When he is hungry, he simply shouts "BAKE" to his food, and out of fear, the food instantly catches on fire.
One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris killed the counselor and taught his fellow children to play the way Chuck taught himself to play. These children became the members of Led Zeppelin.
If you shaved off Chuck Norris' beard, you would find a tatoo of an identical beard underneath.
When a fire department couldn't put out a house that was on fire, Chuck Norris happened to walk by and promptly whipped out his monstrous penis to extinguish the flames with his urine. He then made love to every fireman's wife and college daughters.
The Great Wall of China was modeled after Chuck Norris' pectoral muscles. This would explain the large amount of dead Asians buried within the wall.
Chuck Norris invented lesbians. After reaching the epitome of manhood by sleeping with Norris, they had no choice but to begin anew with women.
It is widely known that Chuck Norris does not know the meaning of the word "Pain". What is not widely known is that this is not due to any manner of superior physical fortitude, but rather his crippling illiteracy. He does, however, know the meaning of the term "Cleveland Steamer" which he uses on a nearly daily basis.
On Chuck Norris's 16th birthday, his father bought him a prostitute. He gave her a round-house kick to the head after she refused to go a 21st time.
Chuck Norris is the reason why you touch yourself at night
The milkshake doesn't bring Chuck Norris to the yard.
When Chuck Norris wants to get drunk he mixes 2kg of pure Heroine with 4L of straight Whiskey. The actual drink has little to no effect on him but he acts drunk to seem cooler to his friends.
Chuck Norris knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is, but he won't tell because he doesn't want anyone to find the body.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
A man once asked Chuck Norris for his autograph, and he signed his name as "Daffy Duck". When the man confronted him, Chuck kicked his teeth in.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was intended to play Luke in Star Wars, but Chuck decided that Luke was too much of a bitch.
When people are dying, they are told not to go to the light because Chuck Norris is there waiting to kill them.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to kill you today. Chuck Norris is patient.
The Internet slang "hax" came about because Chuck Norris, while playing Counter-Strike, found a way to use his bare hands as weapons. He ended the game with a score of 57-1 (the only death was due to a teamkill).
Upon meeting Chuck Norris, Hitler realized he could never win and killed himself.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take **** from anybody.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris is so fast, he once ripped a man's beating heart out of his chest, showed it to him, sliced it in two with a ridiculous karate chop, put it in a pot with some nice onions and celery, cooked it, ate it, **** it out, and took the whole ****ty mess filled with bits of beating heart and veggies, and shoved it back into the still standing man. The dude died, but man, that was cool.
Chuck Norris does not live life on the edge; life lives on the edge of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is just like you and me, he puts his pants on one leg at a time. Except when he puts his pants on, he fights North Koreans.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris doesnt dodge bullets, Bullets dodge Chuck Norris
