I've only got miles to go. Only miles. It's as if i can hear it, smell it, taste it, see it, touch it. Every second ticks down and is replaces with hope. The miles go down with every hour. It is no longer an effort. Every mile seems to move through it's self. Like wave after wave, comming and going over and over again. Mile and mile again. Over and over again. Just like waves. I keep telling myself that there is only miles between me and everything. Only untill the miles we're going by over and over again like the waves. Only then I realized the truth. The truth of crushing hope. Every noise was nothing, is nothing now. All the scent dissperced, gone. The taste is now bland, never even there. My sight is black, compleatly empty. This feeling I came all this way for is gone, dissapeared. That's when the hours got lost and miles lost count. I was stuck, trapped in nothing but my mind. Alone, chasing mile after mile for hours after hours. With no hope for everything, other then the end of everything. Knowing that just like the waves, there is no end untill the storm passes and the water dies. Over and over and dead.

What leads us to be a terrible person? What pushes us to do terrible things, to lie, to ditch a friend? What causes us to stab a person in the back, to walk away, to not listen? What makes us do evil things in the world? What motivates a person to rob a bank, to murder someone, to break the law?

Well think it over. The reality is that there is no reason; it's just the choice, between good or bad. It is the one moment you get a chance to make your life better or worse by doing the right or wrong thing. Now don't get fooled, still remember in the end how your life rolls out is uncontrollable. But if we were clever enough to stop and take the time before making a choice, we could change are life for the better, and keep from doing those terrible things that people despise you for. Unfortunately this world is not that clever as you may know. The problem is not many bad people actually remember the moment when they came across that choice. They were probably too focused and motivated by something to think. They never would have had the time to stop and run their thoughts through before they lied, or decided to ignore a friend. They never would of second thought before breaking into the bank, or stabbing an innocent person. They didn’t, they don’t, and no one does. So that's just life. Nothing you can do about it. But now I wonder why do we still always feel guilty when you do something bad? Why do you get mad and upset at the bad people? Of course it's because they made the wrong choice, but can't choosing to be a bad person be just a mistake? People make mistakes all the time, and we aren’t locking them up in jail because of it. Making a mistake in this world is not a crime. It is still obviously that if someone murdered a person or robbed a bank they should be punished. It is commonsense to be mad at a person that lied to you or ditched you. In the end this world is confusing, and you must agree. So it’s best to not ponder too much on the little things. Because when it comes to thoughts like these the only thing to do is remind yourself that this is just life. Life will be, like it or not, a confusing, unfair, unreasonable, unbelieving, puzzling, unknown thing, and that is never going to change.

Sometimes I think I need to get away. Pack all my things, get on a plane, and head off alone one day. I would try to never look back on the town I called home until the right moment. That would be my plan, to return later. After living years away, in a new life which might have been better then my old one, or might have not I would be sure to come back. I would pack up my things and get on that plane again. Head back to the town where I had been. And on my trip back I would be thinking about one thing, not what I did while I was gone or how things would have changed back home, but I would be thinking about why I really left. The reason would simply be, because I wanted to be missed. Because one day while I was gone, not only was I hoping people would still remember the good things about me, I was hoping, just hoping that for one moment, one minute, of one day, you would wake up and out of nowhere think “Whatever did happen to her?"

The reason that I would leave would be, you. It would be my way of knowing if you would remember me when I was gone. Although the gone I was thinking about, was with me having no way to come back. I thought this is good enough. If you remember me when I’m not there for a short amount of time, maybe a year or less, then I know I just know that when I’m gone forever, you will never forget me. I do understand that you will move on in life and I fully hope you do, but I do also understand that I will always be with you. Once in a while, maybe once a month or less, you will remember me. I can count on you to keep me alive when I am no more. Even if I don’t make history or I don’t travel to the moon. I know there is one person that will still remember me, and that person is you.

So that my dear is the reason I have left you that evening so many months ago. Now it has been no less than a year since I left you alone, but you must believe me when I say I will be back soon. I did not run from you my love, I could never do that. I am a wear that year without my presence might have been a whole year that you decided to move on with your life. It is a chance that you found a beautiful wife and moved out of our house with her, but I understand that would only be fair. I must remember I did leave you first. All I ask of you now, weather the love you hold for me is still as strong as the love I contain for you or not, is that you let me know if you thought about me when I was not there. I will not know until I return but I have this feeling. If you still love me as I love you then I think you have thought about me. Because all I know is being far from you for so long, locked you in my mind. So, darling this theory I set up for myself taught me another thing. I will always remember you. I never want you to forget my dear that even if you come to days in your life when you fear of being forgotten, just remember that I will never forget you. I will keep you alive forever, when you are no more. I will do for you, what I wished so deeply you would do for me.

With a gun to her head,
She whispers “Say when,”
With her eyes closed, facing the ground
She doesn’t hear one protest of sound.
What is this life suppose to mean?
If no one even cared about this helpless human being?
Still she waits out the moment
Letting the final thoughts wash through her head
A silent tear tumbles down her cheek
Her finger wraps around the trigger
And then she lets it release
She takes a breath and drops the gun
Maybe she should let god have his fun.
Leave him to pick and murder the chosen ones.