hey all, if you dont know i'm sayin it now, by the time november 11th hits, my nexo profile will be no more, if you don't have me on facebook, or at least have my email or phone number you will be S.O.L. and i'm sorry i know it sounds harsh, but its only because i don't feel the need to have nexopia anymore...

" For the longest time I've known that God and the devil were testing me. Well, i don't know if I passed or failed, or if it heaven or hell. All I know is that where I am in my life there has been a hiccup. Yeah, an abnormal blip on the radar of my life that shouldn't of even been put there, or picked up. But its still a blip all the same. In all my years I never thought that a blip like this would of happened, yet it did. And I have nothing but a heavy heart and a saddened persona to show for it. I'm working harder now to make sure that a blip like this never comes my way again. Not so much a reinvention, but an intervention. yeah, i said that shit. I will rebuild, and i will fall back on the things that I know how to do best, as well, there will be massive weeding out of certain habits and extracirrucular activites, and substitution for others that will make my life more at ease, more peaceful, more... Balanced... I'm not out to be cooler than anyone, I'm just out to be the best Tora I know how to be. and if I get knocked for doing it, i'll shake them haters off. If I get praised, I'll humble myself and just say simply, ' Its just who and how I am'. I'm not looking for sympathy, or a pity party or someone to hold my hand. I'm grown up enough to face things head on and make decisions that can make or break me. Life doesn't live for man, Man lives for life... if we all weren't here to do the things we do, or make the choices we've made, we couldn't call this a life. This would be like the matrix or the borg, we'll get assimilated into nothingness... And never be able to think and act for ourselves. '... for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction...' What we do daily effects those around us directly and indirectly, i've known this for years, but recently I've seen the effects... For anyone that I've hurt or neglected, Im sorry. I know I can't take it back, what's done is done. there is no coming back from that... But I ask that you don't pass judgement on me for it. I've already punished myself for the things I have or havent done. and I only put myself thru more and more as the days press on and I wait for the Lord himself to appear to me to tell me its time to go. My time will come where I will answer for what I've done, I don't need the extra judgement, because I will never judge based on actions past present or future, its not my place and never will be. So God, I know you never give us more than we can handle, and you know what, I know there is more that I have to go thru before I can coast for a lil bit. I'm just thankful that you are letting me stay here on Earth just a lil bit longer. Help me keep my head up, don't let my head or heart fall down..."

Its been almost 3 years since I started this post. And I do know the few readers that have followed my papertrail know tht it has not been the best of rides. But its almost 2007. I'm older, hopefully wiser. I know that I have been dragging ass because of the sorrows that have taken over my life. But I can see now its all about who is around me and how much they project their energies onto me. To my brothers and sisters, I know you will understand this, I am about to face my greatest challenge. The battle begins. At first I feel I have the upper hand, but in actuality I am just prolonging an inevitable fate. I am being pummeled, and I am on my last leg (for the anime fans, envision Goku vs. Brolly 1 on New Vegeta) To you my brothers and sisters. I plead to you to put out the most positive energy that you have, meditate, concentrate, and project. That is all that I can ask of you being that I am tied down in Canada. I know that you all want me back, but the legalities make it not so simple. U.S. Immigration is so damned tight, its like tryin to get with a virgin. Can't squeeze it. To my new readers and those that just come across this blog randomly. Friendships that you have are of more value now than ever. Respect for fellow man is the biggest maker/breaker for any friendship. Any one person you consider a brother or sister. Someone that you would give your life for. Someone you could see yourself living next door to ten years from now after you've married and had kids, and your kids play together. These people promote positive energies. Keep them close. But when they betray your love and trust and respect. Cut them off, that negative energy with mess the flow. Trust me, I've been there. And to you who are reading and HATE me. I don't care. Keep hating. The more you curse my name is the more that I know God will bless and protect me. Tho, these seem to be lonely times for me, I'm still standing!! " The Lord is my light and salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, the will stumble and fall, Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then will I be confident." Psalms 27: 1 - 3 You can't break me haters. "I'm too strong..." Gary B., Remember the Titans... You all know me to be this brooding, solemn and down soul. Not so, I just have this habit of thinking too much. I always think because I know that thinkers rule the world. With 2007 approaching, I'm going to make some great changes. I hope that you all support me in all my decisions. I'll be a tiger with some changed stripes... Ryu, I'm stealing this... Saikyo-Da...

yo y'all, its about to be '07... so lets make this one better than the last ... okay...

To those of you out there that actually pay attention and read thru profiles, just read this quick note and take it to heart. If you are or aren't close with your father, take time out today to think about him, call him, hug him, or kiss him on the cheek. Take the time to make jokes and sit and laugh with him. I lost my dad to a heart attack 2 years ago today. And he is and will remain my best friend. So whether or not this is father's day, or whether or not you and your dad talk, take a lil time out and spend some time. And your mom too!!!!


To my pops

" I know that you are watching me and I know that I can be doing better than I am. I just wish that things were different and you were still here. Keep watching over me and send some good luck my way pops. I miss you and love you man...."

You wanna know my pain, my pleasure... what really goes on in my mind...


http://burningfists13121.blogspot.com


read on, you'll be here for a while...

For years I've known the strengths I possess could be potentially harmful to the people around me. I could never forgive myself if I lose myself like that. But the funny thing is, that was only the tip of the iceberg. There is more. I've never explored the depths of my anger. My hatred. My pains... I've been this quiet man all my life and now is the time i've chosen to raise my voice. I'm not who I used to be. Even in his eyes I know that he wonders what I am doing with myself, but he trusts me enough to make the right decision. Despite myself, I've never wanted to damage, well I have, someone to the point that they can not fend for themselves... I'm just waiting out the storms in my life. So to those of you to witness the evil sparkle in my eye and the juices getting jacked up, that was the beginning, and there is potentially no end. The man I was is a gentle and kind soul, the man I am lost all care and feeling, my heart fels cold and empty... I don't know if there is anything left in there... I'm being over dramatic... I don't care... but its been building for years... sorry ninja... i can't do it anymore...

... he reaches a campsite far from civilization. Dusk is approaching and he stops to make camp, and to patch himself up. After making camp and fire, he sits down on a log and begins to trat his wounds. Another traveller, sees him struggling and stops to see if she can help. Startled at first, he pulls away ready to strike, but the look of kindness in her eyes softens his heart. He sits back down... they talk and talk while she bandages the cuts and soothes the bruises. They fall asleep on either side of the fire, and he takes one final look before he closes his eyes to rest. The next morning, she finds a note and some food, and no signs of the strangers she helped... A great smile crosses her lips. As she sees him walking into the rising sun...


Tora

A man walks his path in the world alone. Even though he meets people along the way in his travels. When he does stop to talk with the locals, trouble brews. He soul is disturbed by the forces that are coming but there is no stopping. Soon he is over come by those forces. Battling for his life, because he thinks that these people depend on him. When really they don't, they just don't tell him because he is the nicest thing to come along since the gentle breeze from weeks before. He battles and battles until the dust settles. And there he stands... battered and bruised. Bleeding from the mouth. All he asks for is water and the same people he fought for give him nothing... He sucks up what is left of his pride and carefully packs his things. And begins to make way from the village. Making way to the next... or so he hopes... There is nothing that he could want more than to just belong. But that will never happen with the way things always turn out at the end of the day. Gripping his bruised shoulder and walking on... he stops a distance away. Looks into the setting sun and the thought crosses him to look back. But he does not, he hangs his head down not in shame, but in remorse for what he knows will happen in that village. A shadow will fall... Like the shadow that fell on him all those years back...


Tora...

" A man stands before a court of women being tried for the convictions of men. These women have compiled enough evidence to condemn this man for all men. The prosecution has made a strong case. the unjust treatments down to the stood up nites... He stands, chained, head down, silent. There is really no one in his corner to defend him. He just continues to pack it all in as they lay down the meat of the countless times that men have never prevailed, but always managed to fail. Finally, the judge lets him defend himself. ' What say you man that is tried for the convictions of men...' the courtroom is silent, but only for a minute.... He finally lifts his head, tears streaming down his face. ' For the last little while I've been belittled for something that someone else has done to someone else. I am a man yes, but I don't control other men. I stand before you broken at the facts stated because all my life all that I have been looking for is a good woman that will be with me. Not because I have money, not because I give the right answers, not because I didn't stand her up on a date or go dutch with her on one. Not because I surprised her with flowers or candy, or even called ehr at work to tell her that I love her. I just want to find a good woman that will love me back the same way I'lll love her. That will listen to me and let me voice what I have to say as much as she will do with me. You judge me because you think you know who I am and how I live. You couldn't even imagine how I feel knowing that you women date these jerks and then I get caught up in this ceremonial sacrifice to the gods because all men to you are evil. I could say the same of you women. But i don't need to. We all have our differences and thats what makes us who we are and how we make ourselves stronger day in and day out. If my lil ol' speech here has fallen on deaf ears, then my fate is to die for the shame of another who will not change his ways over time because they are so instilled its almost genetic. If my fate is to die so that one day another like me should live, get the march on and throw me to the wolves... life no longer has meaning to me....' For several moments there are murmurs threw the crowd and the podium after he was seated. ' We've come to a conclusion.... you are right... but how do we find more men like you?' 'Seek and you shall find... and when it slaps you in the face, hang on for dear life!' "

ladies and gentlemen, thats how i see things between men and women. We men are forever wrong, til one does right... I guess thats why Im cursed as solo.

hey, if you havent noticed... i've been away from nexo for a lil while. if you need to get a hold of me, text me... or call me.... i'll answer back, if you don't have my cell number, then for right now ur fresh outta luck cause i'm stayin incognegro right now... anyways... luv peace and chicken grease

They say that you find your greatest strength in a moment of great weakness. That urge or desire or potential that comes out at that instance, to make you above and beyond where you are now. So, iif I feel I've plateau'd why can't I move onto another level. And still, why do I feel so weak? Why do I feel as tho I'm not going anywhere or getting any better? Why can't I just move on? Move past? What more can I do? Should I push myself over the edge. Push my limits. Or should I just wait to be pushed? I'm at a vunerable point in my life. I don't know why, thats just how I feel about it. Not to where, I will just break down and cry over the little things. But where the big steps I'm taking are beginning to take their toll on me. Where I want to calculate every step and measure every inch of what is to be done. I wish it would happen so I can move on already and do what needs to be done to secure my future.