Attending Emergency Services Academy for Professional Firefighting, Sept - Nov. 2007




I'm a soccer boy

I invented Orange Coke. Ask me for the recipe.
I love rainy days in the summer most of all

~Always remember, you're perfect in someone else's eyes. You just have to find that person.


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...


The world isn't cool these days man. We live in one that's shallow and consumer-driven. Fast paced, cheating the system, partying too hard. I hate the people who spend $300 on torn up, bleached jeans with paint splattered on them, and those are the kind of people we want to be. Spending a fortune on shit like versace, lacoste, french connection, diesel, you name it. We care so fucking much on how we dress to keep up with the retarded fashion today it's unbelievable. I also don't understand the people who hate their reality so much they need to get stoned and drunk until they can't function. They think it's a good time. 'Oh man, I couln't even walk, and I puked everywhere and made out with this random guy and I didn't know where I was.' Yeah, pretty cool. Like mellow down a notch. Why can't people just spend a night hangin out or chillin these days. Fucking kids with knives going around stabbing each other because someone tells them to leave, or they have a beef with their 'crew'. Like calm down. High school fights are pretty cool too. So you hate this guy. You fight him, one or both of you get your ass kicked, and you still hate each other. Well that was worth it. People care way too much for the stupidest shit and are busy with the wrong things. But the thing I can't stand the most is the obsession with celebrities. Who cares that Britney's having a baby, that Lindsay Lohan partys to hard, everything Paris Hilton does. Why do people care, and why do they have to know. Actors and actresses are in movies, that's their job. Don't worry so much about their lives when there's so much to fix with your own. People fight so much for the most retarded reasons, too. We've wasted so many hours of our lives being mad or upset just for the sake of making a point that we don't stop and realize we don't get those moments back.

"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."

Beatles! Best ever!


Bergie's a pimp









Underwear Goes Inside The Pants - Lazyboy


Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.












Did you know, that 1 out of 4 Americans has appeared on tv?
Did you know, 61% of all hits on the internet are on sex-sites?
Every day 21 newborn babies will be given to the wrong parents
The average person swallows 8 spiders in a year
Cannabis is the most widely abused drug in the world
The average person laughs 13 times a day
Elvis was originally blonde
The average age of first intercourse is 15.3 years old
The average erect penis is 5.2" long - and 4.2" circumcised
Eskimoes use refrigerators to keep food from freezing
41% of all people take people with curly hair less seriously
20% of all females have had at least 1 homosexuall experience
Did you know, that there is no such thing as an anti-wrinkle-creme?

22% of the time, a pizza will arrive faster then an ambulance in Great Britian
96% of all women have at one time in their life faked an orgasm
3 people die every year, testing if a 9 volt battery works on their tongue
The 'Guiness Book Of Records' holds the record
for being the most stolen book in the public libraries
Butterflies taste with their feet
5% of the population is gay
The worlds best known word is 'okay',
the second most well-known word is 'Coca-Cola'
The giraffe can clean its ears with its tongue
Charles Chaplin once won 3rd place in a
'Charles Chaplin look-a-like contest'
In 1995 a japanese trawler sank because a
Russian cargo plane dropped a living cow from 30,000 feet
Only one book has been printed in more copies than the bible:
the IKEA-catalogue

1 cigarette takes away five minutes of a person's life
In 1950 we were 3 billion people on the earth.
today we are 6 billion people.
(time is ticking, ticking, yeah...)
'Donald Duck' was banned in Finland, because he doesn't wear pants
74% of all nudist-females are nudists, because their husbands are nudists
More people die from a champagne cork popping, than from poison spiders
21% of all traffic accidents happen because the driver falls asleep
Did you know that originally a Danish guy invented the burglar alarm.
unfortunately it got stolen.

.Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
.When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.
.You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?.
.The opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation.
.Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind.
.If it's natural to kill, why do men have to go into training to learn how?.
.You cannot prevent and prepare for war at the same time.
.The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars.
.If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.



If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one. ~Russian Proverb
We waste a lot of time running after people we could have caught by just standing still. ~Mignon McLaughlin
The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal. ~Astrid Alauda
Nearly all men die of their remedies, and not of their illnesses. ~Jean Baptiste Moličre
Everyone thinks of changing the world, But no one thinks of changing himself. ~Leo Tolstoy
He who is not content with what he has, Will not be content with what he doesn't have ~Socrates
Only the dead have seen the end of war. ~General MacArthur




Girl: Do i ever cross your mind?
~Boy: No.
Girl; Do you want me?
~Boy: No.
Girl; Do you like me?
~Boy: No.
Girl; Would you cry if i left?
~Boy: No.
Girl; Are you willing to do anything for me?
~Boy: No.
Girl; Would you choose your life or me?
~Boy: My life.
The girl runs away and the boy grabs her arm..
~Boy: You never cross my mind because you are always on my mind.
~Boy: I do not want you because i need you.
~Boy: I do not like you because i love you.
~Boy: I woudn't cry if you left me because i would die if you would.
~Boy: I woudn't be willing to anything because i would do everything.
~Boy: For you, I choose my life because you ARE my life.



A girl and a boy were on a motorcycle, speeding through the night.

Girl: Slow down a little.. I’m scared..
~Boy: No, it’s so fun..
Girl: Please..it’s so scary..
~Boy: Then say that you love me..
Girl: Fine..I love you..can you slow down now?
~Boy: Give me a big hug..
The girl gave him a big hug.
Girl: Now can you slow down?
~Boy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on? It’s uncomfortable and it’s bothering me while i ride.

The next day, there was a story in the newspaper. A motorcycle had crashed into a building because its brakes were broken. There were two people on the motorcycle, of which one died, and the other had survived…
The guy knew that the brakes were broken. He didn’t want to let the girl know, because he knew that the girl would have gotten scared. Instead, he was told the last time that she
loved him, got a hug from her, put his helmet on her so that she can live,
and die himself…



“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”


"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." - Sam Keen

When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations … then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy. (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)