Today despite all the hapiness,
a sense of hopelessness.
I feel as if I did everything wrong.
And what I cant glue back together...
Fading.

Dear God,
did I loose my beauty?

I lost my sense of admiration of beauty.
It was ruined by the littered ground,
litter stagnate in the frosty layers of winter.

I decided I wanted to teach,
the influnetial minds of youth,
teach them to paint,
to fall in love with the world.
I felt happy knowing where I was headed,
but I can only teach when healed.

And I thought to myself...
2 weeks till I leave for France.
I tell myself i will be better when I get back.
But really, I always say that,
and the process is so slow.
The only ones i can reach out to,
stumbling or turned.
Either way it is an equilibrium,
Fighting everyday for the scale to stay balanced.

She told me I was different,
that I had a much wiser soul,
and an older face than years.
She was trying to compliment me.
I was tired of it though.
I wanted to be the same today,
no goddam