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Clicking on people’s profiles and finding out they have plus and fearing the backlash of not leaving a comment. What’s even worse than that is going to someone’s profile that has plus but hides it and right when you think you’re safe Chris Hansen walks through a door and busts your ass.



Richard Gere. This man has had gray hair for over 30 years! In fact I’m pretty sure he came out of the womb with a full head of gray. I don’t have anything against people with gray hair, just people who have it at a young age. Some would say that I should sympathize for these people, as they have been plagued with such an unfortunate condition, but no, dye your hair, clowns. Taylor Hicks would be next on the list but he has redeemed himself with his incredible ability to cut a rug like some sort of rug cutting machine in a Persian rug store of some sort that would require a machine to cut rugs although I don’t know why someone would want to cut rugs let alone Persian rugs seeing that those are quality rugs. Anyway, back to Richard Gere…I’m pretty sure he smells; he doesn’t strike me as the deodorant type. What a silly inconsiderate bastard! Probably smells like a bus, you know sometimes when you get on and there’s that awful smell and it’s kind of a mixture of bad BO and sick ass that’s been sitting in the sun. Yuck!

While on the topic of hair, I absolutely despise that black spot on Jay Leno’s head:

Get rid of that thing! It’s very distracting when I’m trying to enjoy your headlines and smutty monologues!

Those fake files that come up when I look up songs on Limewire…not that I download music because that’s illegal. I purchase my music legally because that’s very legal and I like to be legal which is the opposite of illegal which is bad.

Waiting in line at Subway premeditated and rehearsed ready to order and then completely freezing up and forgetting what I was going to order when it’s my time to shine (Hot Peppers! Mustard! Meatballs! I’ve created a monster!).

Michael Bublé. This man came into MY house and ate MY birthday cake with MY family and he’s not me! He’s conned my family out of millions with his smooth voice and clever merchandise (damn your Hallmark cards!).



That’s Funny. I’ll tell you what’s not funny. Child obesity. Oh yeah and this friggen show. It’s just re-aired clips of America's Funniest People! Joey Gladstone must be rolling in his grave. There is nothing even remotely funny about this show. The clips are about as funny as hearing about your teacher's vasectomy and the host...well he shoud just be stabbed in the eye.

Going to Wal-Mart and not being greeted by the greeters. That’s your job! Greet me! Create a friendly atmosphere for me just before I’m about to enter a world of great savings!

Having a cat that craps EVERYWHERE! He can’t just crap in his box like every other cat no that would be too easy. He has to deliberately go out of his way walking down the stairs and crap in the nice room! You smelly son of a bitch!

Putting on a fresh pair of socks then walking into the bathroom and stepping in something wet. Not only do I end up walking around with an irritating damp sock but also I can’t help but contemplate whether or not what I stepped in was water or something much worse…you know like pee, although I would like to think that everyone in my house had accurate enough aim.