Well, I'm the girl you are looking for. Believe me, I'm the real deal.

Basically, I am a girl that will stand you up, not call when I say I will, and expects sex on the first date. We SPLIT the cheque at KFC too, don’t cheap out on me.

More about me: I don't really have a job, and I can't afford to support you, your mother, your whiny kids, your ex wife and all our bad habits. You will need to be gainfully employed so I can stay home... at your home of course. I would prefer it if you have a sink, toilet, stove, and roof. I have blankets.

I am pretty smart, but sometimes the "receiver is off the hook" I have been told. I struggle to get my belt through all the loops (the one at the back is TRICKY!)! I have breath that could knock a rat off a shi* wagon and I have a humped back. I spend time alone in bell towers. Honestly though, if I were any dumber I'd be on a leash. Simply put.

Oh.. right right.. I don’t go to the gym, nor do I go to church either. Mainly liquor stores and dollar stores. In fact, I have eaten condiments because I could not afford to drink and eat at the same time. My goal in life is to live in a friends laundry room that he will convert into a suite. Gotta see things big.

Right, and I LOVE NATURE, just like everyone else on this site, despite what it did to me… And books! I like book much too, and I’m finally getting around to finishing that book I've been colouring!

Oh yes.. I am into head games, let me make that clear. I love to be used and lied to. If you nag incessantly and complain I will be quick to soothe you and say its not your fault. It’s mine. I am willing to spend my welfare and food stamps on any man that will make me a sandwich and watch my beta movies with me. Why don't you close your mouth before someone sticks an apple in it?

My type of guy is like this (list to be added to and ammended according to my whim, fancy, and caprice).

You:

Must be disfigured or mentally ill in some form or fashion. I look for originality (Dissociative-identity disorder comes to mind). You also MUST smell nice, like you marinated in cheap perfume. I want you to be more pungent than a brazilian pimp..

Perhaps you are inflatable, that's cool too.


ME:

I have problems (mental, and physical), most of them are too difficult for me to pronounce so I won't. Cause I can't.
I'm not emotional either, I have two emotions: Horny and Horny. I'm amazingly ugly too. I am one of those poor unfortunate types... the “lets just be friends” type unfortunates. Only my mom thinks i'm pretty, and the hookers do, but thats cause i'm paying them.

Oh ya.. I walk upright most of the time and I don’t scratch much. Also, I have a criminal record, but it’s less than 5 pages...small font… AND AND!!! You can get a restraining order on me easily too, the police station has my details on file.

I also have some bad habits. I drink excessively (prohibition might come back)! and I do soft drugs, only cause I can’t afford the good ones (except casually).

I'm also not able to meet you, cause I have a car that is not mobile... BUT my home is…!!! Also, I have no license. I lost it on my 12th impaired driving charge. If only I coulda walked away from the wreckage... I would NEVER have lost it. Screw it, wasn't my car anyways.

This is just a taste boys, message a real woman and let me make your life complete!