15 little known facts about Chuck Norris:
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris
instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly
thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop
the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets
with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement.
5. the original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth
from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This
was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was
divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the
gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their
combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly
after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die
from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.
He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and
buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her
and saying "booya".
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an
attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving,
Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his
backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate
it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully
cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how
he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said,
Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take
yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's
impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused
to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually
is "his" way.
16. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a
canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
17. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN the PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and
ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in
his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five
months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed
so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went
deaf.
18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the
face and took his soul back. the devil, who appreciates irony,
couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They
now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
19. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck
Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and
aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body
by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
20. Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
21. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to
roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs
and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
22. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows
clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make
it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
23. the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
24. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact
that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
25. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and
I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that
they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they
roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris
never gets ill.
26. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give
him exact change.
27. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic
bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck
Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
28. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes,
just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of
little kids.
29. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see
Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
30. Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for
children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start
crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry
about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
31. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
32. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
JUST FUCKING BOMBED
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams
R.I.P Hunter S. Thompson
"And that, I think, was the handle - -that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - -on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - -the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back." fear and loathing in las vegas
the future in unwritten-joe strummer
nirvana
1 : the final beatitude that transcends suffering, karma, and samsara and is sought especially in Buddhism through the extinction of desire and individual consciousness
2 a : a place or state of oblivion to care, pain, or external reality; also : BLISS, HEAVEN b : a goal hoped for but apparently unattainable : DREAM
NIrvana- in bloom
Sell the kids for food
Weather changes moods
Spring is here again
Reproductive glands
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
We can have some more
Nature is a whore
Bruises on the fruit
Tender age in bloom
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say
He's the one
Who likes all the pretty songs
And he likes to sing along
And he likes to shoot his gun
But he knows not what it mean
Knows not what it mean
And I say yeah
NIRVANA - LITHIUM
I'm so happy because today
I've found my friends ...
They're in my head
I'm so ugly, but that's okay, 'cause so are you...
We've broken our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday for all I care...
And I'm not scared
Light my candles in a daze...
'Cause I've found god - yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm so lonely but that's okay I shaved my head...
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard...
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there...
But I don't