All my life I've wanted to be a gangster.

I can speak Brail.




You know you want to

Amidst the waves and the cloudless skies that blanketed the year before, I watched my life wash ashore.

You think it really would make a difference? Would I hang on the beach in perfect black and hide? I broke through this hallow shell that once held me so tight I couldn't breathe.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.


Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the slot for your sacred key




One of the biggest lessons I've learned in my life is that some people are empty shells.
People that look at others as items, not human beings. There are a lot of people in this world that do that; some are your very best friends. That's the kind of society we are being brought up in. Materialistic: we like brand names, we like nice cars, we like owning a lot of clothes and a lot more. But thanks to this, some people are looking at others as material items. It could be your best friend, you won't know that. Because they don't know they're doing it either. Consider this.. You broke up with your girlfriend and one of your pals says "relax theres plenty of fish in the sea". What he means is theres other women out there, so don't fret. Have you ever thought about that comment on a deeper level? Plenty of other fish in the sea.. lots of other women.. that comment alone is like crashing your car and saying "oh well i'll get a new one"..

Even the comment "we'll find you a new girl" or "you'll find an amazing person some day" is already looking at girls/guys like items.. You're basically saying you will find someone that makes you happy. But did you take a deeper look into that? If someone is not benifiting you, you will get rid of them. That's like getting a shirt for christmas and saying "I don't like it so I'm going to exchange it".. If you don't like it, get rid of it... That is quite materialistic and saying "if she isn't doing what you want her to do, get rid of her". You might be asking yourself "so? why keep something you don't like? you live once so make sure you get what you want". yeah, it's decently ok to do that with ITEMS but not people! We all have reasons the things we do. Say someone cuts you off on the road and you think "what a prick!!".

But what if something happend? What if he just found out his son died and he went for a drive because it was too much to take?.. Even if a dude laughs at you and gives you the finger and cuts you off.. There is a reason for that , too. He was obviously treated poorly by someone else and that is his way of getting back at society. My point is, when you are picking your girlfriend or friends out.. Don't be selfish and think "if they are not good for me that's it they're done". That whole idea that, thinking that way makes you happy isn't true. Suicide rates are going up and up , more and more people are needing to take anti-depressants, we're living in a "get drunk on the week end" society, and the list goes on. If you were truely happy would you need to get tanked out of your mind? You get drunk because it's fun right? But what if you could have fun without it? A lot of the times you can barley remember what happend when you were drunk but you know you had "such a good time".

What if, you were just as happy without alcohol then you were with alcohol? You would quit drinking because it's stupid and you can't remember the good times as well. So that is how people become empty shells. They become so selfish and refuse to look at the entire situation. All they do is think about themselves; they choose their friends by selecting who is the most entertaining, they select their girlfriends on who gives them exactly what they want, they look at people just like they look at items except they justify their selfishness by saying "well why would I want to have someone around that doesen't make me happy?. It's a lot deeper then that and if you can't see it, i'm sorry you're an empty shell. For all of you christians, do you think the people that nailed jesus to the cross made him happy? Nope, obviously, but he died for them anyway.

What made him so special? Because he didn't only think about himself. Ever heard "love thy neighbor as you love yourself"? Does that say "love who gives you what you want as much as you love yourself"..... obviously no. But that's just religion. For all of you that don't believe in religion.. Imagine this..Imagine you could experience the entire life of someone else. Imagine you could see every personality shaping moment of their life. Imagine you could feel what they felt when something bad or good happend. If you knew everything about a person, every single detail, you would love them. No matter who they are, you would love them. You would understand every action they take. They swear at you or someone else you would know why, if they turn into an asshole you would understand why, you would understand the background for every one of their actions. But that's impossible right? Yeah, it is, but you can get really close to that.

Try your hardest to look at people as human beings. Listen to them and figure out why they do bad stuff, what caused that problem. Figure out what put them into the mood that made them swear at you. People can change with effort if you're willing to listen. They're human beings.

And thinking this way is how I learned my biggest lesson in life. Learning to look at people as human beings and not items was not the biggest lesson in my life. I've been following that way of thinking for a few years now. What I learned was the fact that just because I do it, doesen't mean others do. Just because i'm willing to listen and look deeper into the problem doesen't mean they will do it for me too. I failed to see that I'm looked at as an item to many people. People I should have shut out of my life I didn't, I tried to listen and allow them to change but it didn't work. I let myself get treated like dirt, I let people take advantage of me thinking they didn't know any better.

And now, even though I lost so much, I feel sorry for the empty shells out there. I feel sorry for the people that look at other people as items. Why? They are soulless. To have a soul is to have compassion, to love, to be loved, to be more then just an animal: to be a human being. Having a soul is what seperates us from being animals. It's what seperates us from being a mortal. A soul is immortal, it does not need to eat, it does not need to sleep, and it does not need to drink. When you go to heaven, you don't need booze, you don't get bored, you're eternally happy. This is because we are seperated from our bodies, we are seperated from our animal side and what makes us selfish. We are seperated from what makes us angry because we don't get what we want, we are seperated from jealousy because someone else is getting what we want, we are seperated from sadness because theres nothing to be sad about, it's because we are no longer animals that act purely on what our emotions tell us to do.

So for all of the soulless empty shells out there I pity you. You are bound by your animal instincts, you are a slave. The only "best friends" you will have are the people that entertain you the most, or do the most for you. The only "love" you will ever feel is meeting someone that gives you everything you want. That is why these people are soulless, because they have no part of them that seperates them from being an animal. They're empty shells and some of them will go their entire lives without realizing it. Being a human being is more then being an animal, it's about having a part of you that is immortal. And if you fail to show the immortal part of yourself during your lifetime: i'm sorry but it doesen't exist.

“Man,” I said while I freed my muscles from their tension; allowing myself to take a much needed breath. “I’m so sick of this. Why can’t they leave me alone?” “I don’t know. What are you going to do though?” I didn’t respond to this. Too many things were going through my head as I watched him come up to the car ever so slowly. I could not see his face through the door mirror but by his walk I could tell he wasn’t a nice one. I rolled down the window as usual and slowly removed my license. “License and registration sir?” He asked while almost sticking his head through my window causing me to lean back a bit. “Yeah here you go.” I said with a tone of slight annoyance in my voice. I was trying to mask it but it was nearly impossible. “Step outside the car.”

He put me in the back of his police vehicle. “Nice seats you have here but, your windows are made out of stupid glass.” He ran my information through the computer and called in to check my registration. Everything checked out of course. He turned to me and said “I’m searching your car.” “No you’re not.” I said immediately, I had sensed this coming from the second I saw the flashing lights. “What do you mean no I’m not?” he said in confusion, obviously he had never been told this before. “Present me with a warrant and you can, other then that you don’t have permission.” He let out a slight chuckle and said “I don’t need a warrant.” Frustration began to rise up inside of me. “Yes you do, I’m not letting you search my car.” “Alright sir step outside the vehicle.”

Two additional police cars arrived. They all stepped outside of their cars and began their advance while putting on their gloves. “Step outside the vehicle please” one officer said to both of my friends. “Stand in front of the vehicle.” We stood there and watched as they opened every single door and searched the car inside out. Finally one asked me to open the trunk. I did, and inside they found 3 full unopened cans of beer. “That’s not open alcohol, and it isn’t in the cab” I clearly stated. They then approached my friends and took their id’s. After finding no warrants for them they still forced them to empty their pockets. They body searched them, and asked for their id’s again; two more times.

After finding nothing to charge us with they gathered and began talking. Finally one approached me and asked “Where did you come from?” I told him my friend just picked that up, and I was taking him out of town to buy smokes so he didn’t have to drive drunk. “Well I’m charging you with failing to transport alcohol to place of purchase to where you will be drinking it. It has to be from point a to point b.” “I didn’t even know that law existed, and all we were doing is picking up smokes first” I said in amazement. “Doesn’t matter, you were illegally transporting alcohol.”

He put me in the back of his car, where he searched for the act and section of the offence. He couldn’t find it in his handbook so he was forced to call in. This gave him a warrant to give me a breathalyzer. I did with confidence and then he laughed. He said I was drunk but refused to show me the results. He refused to take me to the station for another type of test. He also refused to allow any of my friends to see it. I looked ahead to find my car being towed. “Can I get my things out of it? I need to get my valuables!” I said with tension in my voice; there were so many things in that car I needed. He ignored me and had a grin on his face as he spoke to another officer.

Rights? What are rights? That is a question that the soldiers of World War II gave their lives to prevent it from being asked. They fought with honor and pride while defending their freedom. To this day on November 11th we take time off of work to honor these men for what they have done for us. The soldiers gave their lives with a horrific nightmare of having their freedom taken away and being forced to live in a police state. Watching the news, and even Disney cartoons you would see propaganda displayed depicting the police state of the evil Nazi Empire. This would cause them to have nightmares about the safety of their children.

Speeding down the highway two officers pulled behind a vehicle and inspected the people inside. Their swastikas proudly presented on their shoulder. “Let’s do it.” One said smiling to the other. They pulled the car over and walked over to the vehicle. “id’s? Who are you? Where are you coming from?” one asked in a stern and intimidating voice. “We are just going home” the driver said avoiding eye contact with the officer. “Step outside the car, now!” he yelled while opening the door. “In front of the car now!” he ordered the driver and the two passengers. “Empty out your pockets. Put everything on the car, all of you!” He padded them down from every angle possible. “They look ok” said a voice coming out of the radio.

“Stand right there, don’t move!” one said as he began to empty the contents of the car. They searched every inch of the vehicle and found nothing. “Take their id’s again, there must be something.” They found nothing, once again. They stepped away from the passengers; telling them to not move an inch. “I’m not wasting any time. Think of something.” one said to the other, sounding slightly annoyed. “Let’s just arrest them” he responded. “Yes but we can’t do that without a reason to put into the reports.” “Alright well let’s just make something up.”
They arrested the driver claiming he failed to signal and endangered the safety of the public. They towed the car and seized all of his precious valuables.

Sound familiar? I bet it does. That was the common consensus of the American and Canadian people. They believed Germany was that bad during the rule of Hitler. They believed that you had no rights, and that they would do anything they wanted. Although one would argue that there is a big difference, and that difference is the Nazi’s actually killed people just due to the fact that they didn’t like them. Good thing that doesn’t happen in Canada.

Whoops! Neil Stonechild, an aboriginal man, was found frozen to death outside of Saskatoon Saskatchewan in November of 1990. He was murdered by two police officers. They picked him up and dropped him off far away from his home on a very cold night. This, was murder. The accused police officers were relieved from duty, but today they are appealing the decision so they can get their job’s back.

Whoops! Otto Vass, a 55 year old man who was beaten to death by police in a 7-11 parking lot. Police did not make any statements regarding this incident. Henry Masuka, on January 1st 2000 was holding a pellet gun and demanding help for his son at a hospital. Police shot him five times, killing him. The police said they had no choice. Judging by their reaction to Henry’s situation, they considered the pellet gun a weapon of mass destruction. Jonathan Howell, a 22 year old Jamaican man was shot by a police officer and left brain damaged. The officer was charged with criminal negligence causing bodily harm and careless use of a firearm. The judge found the officer guilty of the firearm charged, but was granted a complete discharge with no criminal record.

How often can a citizen get away with that? Considering the result of the incident; if any unconnected citizen was charged with careless use of a firearm he would get time in a federal prison. The “unconnected” in the previous sentence is referring someone who is not affiliated with any government agencies. A connected person however, may get a lesser sentence or no sentence at all. That is blatant in the Howell case.

In Canada everyone is supposed to have equal rights. Whether you are a police officer or a member of a political organization, you are bound to the same laws and the same sentences as the rest of society is. This is not the situation in Canada what so ever. The mafia exploited this fact and integrated some of their members in political positions. They also affiliated themselves with other members of political parties in order to obtain maximum output for their crimes and minimum repercussions.

Rights? What rights? The sad truth is they are being eroded more and more as time progresses. If an officer will go as far to illegally search a vehicle and illegally search civilians and think nothing of it, then something is wrong. As a people, as Canadians, it is our responsibility to look after our country. The police service, is a service for us. They are not meant to harass us, they are meant to keep us safe. As long as society leans back and allows erosion of rights to continue, it will get progressively worse. The soldiers gave their lives for our rights, do not let their deaths be in vein.