soo its like 4 am and i cant sleep cause i cant get some ppl off my mind , memories are good but fuck right now the ones i miss are gettin the best of me and i hate myself for it i cant get this shit outta my head and w/e im just rambling fuck it w/e

I finally graduated ! it was the such an amazing day seeing off old friends drinkin and singing songs together , saying bye and remembering great friendships. Saying goodbye to some friendships and knowing that we will make plenty more in the years to come . its out of high school and out into the real world now i could never have asked for better friends throughout these years

i cannot believe it that tomorrow that i am graduating its crazy shit i tell ya lol never thought itd happen this fast lol but hey shits all goin good right now

what is the point anymore im nothing ,im a meaningless friend , a poor lover ,and jsut a pretty face for some of you bitches. i choose to jsut give up now before i get my hopes up for anythign to great but this all could jsuit be cause im in a super bad mood but you know what i dont even care anymore there is only one person i care about in the world but ya nothign else matters but at the same time i want it to matter , w/e make sense of it im out ......

hello ladies and gentlemen. so this would be kyle's blog as we know it. boring eh? of course. but now that i get to write something. it shall be uber amusing. anyways. i do however quite feel special to be on someone elses account and writing in there blog. omfg. anyways. well i shall tell you a story about what happened today. well i have to start from last night to get into the whole story. so last night at about 1am my mother comes upstairs and says "lindsay go to bed its so damn early ", now let me tell you she was quite upset. anyways. so then i decide to go to my room downstairs and i sat in bed for about half an hour and then i got bored and cleaned my room... like who the fuck does that?! crazy people. yes. i know. i am crazy. glad we got that established. so 3am rolls around and im feeling a bit tired so i go to bed. the next day my sister comes downstairs and SLAPS... yes slaps me on the head and tells me to wake up and it was only like... what 12 30pm... what douche bags. so i woke up and went up to my sisters room and watched some t.v with her and had a bit of her orange... and some apple juice *orgasms* sorry about that... back to the story. so about half an hour later i feel like im going to be sick.. and guess what I START PUKING EVERYWHERE. i must say it was emabrassing but boy! did i feel reliefed LMAO. ... the rest of the day i sat on this stupid site and talked to some lovely boys and girls and planned my weekend. the end. *claps*
well ladies and gentlemen. that is a rap for now.
p.s: be nice to this dear boy. he is very special and sweet
you hurt him. you die.
thank you and have a nice day [/font][/color]

well its finally 2006 supposed to be one of the best years of my life cause i graduate , yet im lost , lost within myself im not quite sure i know who i am anymore what i really want what matters now , i d love to say just music but like ugh it dont look soo promising anymore . girls are jsut ugh who knows everytime i fall for one i get my heart broken i jsut dont understand what i did to deserve this but i must have fucked up bad some where , everyone always telling me you dont deserve thatbut really shit like that jsut dont happen for no reason . i have said at the beginning of each new year that " this year is gonna be better " but a decade straight it hasnt happend soo i not gonna get my hopes up just gonna take it as it is . love is a very stubborn fight , sometimes it seems you gotta throw alotta cheap shots jsut to win . some use what they do best , pick up lines ,poetry , lies ,smooth talking , whatever works for ppl , but why would ppl honestly do this its kinda sad if you have to persuade ppl to love you , yet at one time or another we all do it , sometimes we even sell out others to get what we want , and this is the vicious cycle of life .. yet as sad as it is i still want love , i still wanna be loved , but i jsut want someone to believe in me someone to call my own someone who understands me , someone who at the end of the day will be there to just tell me everythign will be alright .....right now i got my fingers crossed for someone but whether it will work who knows . as hawthorne heights once sang " i'll wait for you but i wont wait forever " true throguhout soo many things , also in love i have realized its important not to be with someone no matter what cause then youre just someones door mat and thats not right soo my advice to ppl like that dotn be afraid to speak your mind on how yopu feel about things like that dont let yourself to be pushed bullied or guilted into things you dont wanna do .....do not get yourself into cycles of heart ache , do not let those ppl pull you back in onyl to break your heart over and over again if you are already there break the cycle finally free yourself and move on with your life sometimes you gotta realize you need to cut your losses and start fresh . my final bit of advice if you got something good hold onto it dont get it then see if you can find better i have fucked up like that with a few ppl already sarah , jasmine , and chantal soo with all this i wish everyone luck , as for me youd think after having 50 relationships youd be able to master it but really you start to get worse sooo lets jsut hope my fuck up rate is less this year ....

well its new years eve got no plans , im pretty miserable and lonely got no one special in my life that can be here right now , my parents seem to take some sort of satisfaction in fuckin up my life , this year hanst even began its only the pregame show and im hating it . i got no faith in anything really anymore ,got no self esteem, pretty bored with life , got no hope for anything better , cant really hope for anything better it only makes shit fuck up even easier , im off to a great start ...life hit me with the best you got i already feel like fuckin shit jsut bring it on , ill still try to make things better even if i have to die trying , i know all those ppl my family included who think im a fuck up and i wont amount to shit but fuck all of them ill damn well try and if i dont make it then well i guess you can say i told you soo and laugh and take pleasure in seeing me suffer ,this past week not one thing has gone right and you know what maybe im meant to be alone ....fuck it all make what you want of this

Ugh like honestly how much more can i fuck up shti jsut keeps goin wrong shit with steff who knows whats goin on , crystal is pissed at me cause im stupid andf like fuck ppl thinking im all perfect and shit im soo far from it ,im pretty pathetic most times but ya fuck it im out this very well could be my last post on my blog so enjoy

well i have a bit of situation well i like someone and god am i trying to win them over but they dont seem to be noticing me at all but i jsut hope it goes well soon she seems to be quite amazing and ya i just want her to like me and for once have something go right lol i have good and high hopes for this i jsut hope it comes true

today i had some intersting conversations abotu love and relationships abotu if ppl are good enoguh and ppl sayign they arent good enough for other ppl . and i got thinking abotu stuff
and i wish i was good enough for someone , im always kinda pushed aside im the last resort kinda guy , im the guy ppl made out with satruday nights then forgot abotu and remembered when they wanted to come back for more ....to be continued...

well after i think abotu a solid month and half my depression came bakc i just dont know what it is lately thigns seem so pointless im just afraid of what could happen hangin otu with ppl is fun and all but i jsut cant stop thinking now like everything can jsut spur my thinking and im soo afraid of things changing i was happy the way things were , i was thinking of this summer instead of goin on tour i was thinking of jsut saving my money selling ab unch of my shit and just goin in my car and drive where ever my heart takes me you know like just go out with nothing but cash and my heart maybe ill find somethign out there i never expected to find or maybe ill end up exactly where i thought i would . its hard to say but the other day someone got me thinking of that but really if somethign is inevitable why fight it maybe its true and we are all jsut prisoners of this world the lesson i have learned is that sometimes you dont always get what you want but instead get what you secretly needed all along well ppl think about that.....

ah today was weird classes were slow and shitty then i ended up hangin with jesse and got into talkinbg abotu shit realized some things kinda got me down a bit , then later went to walmart and ya i just zoned out i was a million miles from everywhere lost in my head and just sad and cold but then i snapped out of it i have learned today that it is better to have loved than lost but it is important not to dwell on the past thats sometimes we must let go of what we think we want in order to gain what we truly need

Today i luckily didnt get kicked out of my class which is awesome so im graduating on schedule ! i got another bday card today even though my bday was like a couple weeks ago still rad . yesterday i learned the vocals for the song Eryn Smith which was sooo cool and fun and next jam session i think we are doin the boys of summer haha my friend curtis today went to school drunk it was funny as hell im still feeling rad , but crystal might be gettin me like 4 avenged sevenfold autographs today which i hope i get cause wow id love it ! i could soo make my friends jealous but thatd be mean , i dont know whats with me lately im starting to feel empty inside but someone said maybe its cause im still in love with someone but im not sure about that soo i dunno the person it is (ashlee) SHHH ! lol i dunno she is with my friendf and ya i am happy for them so ya even if i am still in love with her i jhave to hold back my feelings but ya im just hoping its not right . and i still do love crystal so that could be it too but ya anyways im out im too complicating lol

Today has been really fun so far made a slideshow which was really fun im jsut rockin out to music and singing im having the time of my life !!!! im not sick anymore either , yesterday sucked cause i was in bed all day sick with the flu but today im fully healed haha the other day me and jesse were talking and we established that me him and chris are the boys of summer so i made a slideshow about it , then later i made one about me and crystal it was ever soo much fun well im out

Yesterday i realized was a big mistake but i gotta live with it every day has its lessons and yesterdays was " dont rush into something when you have a life time " but as always today i relaize everythign happens for a reason ... i just ugh i rgret it so much but whats done is done , i can now only learn from my mistakes , yesterday i decided that i should just eat some food to comfort myself it did help a bit so but anyways today was fun i got to hang out with alana and have a nice talk and we both said alot of shit that went unsaid since we liked each other almost 2 years ago , i feel alot better apologizing for the asshole i was back then and im sure the conversation has helped the friendship (or so i hope) but ugh girls lately i do not understand it i just want to be single and just you know LIVE i dont want to be in a relationship and complicate it but of course now the girls come but ya my main concern is i dont want to hurt anyone so i shall stick with a friendship well things can only get better from here !