STEVE IS MY SEX MACHINE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!




im really loud
weird
crazy
most would say i am insane
i have the worst memory in the world.......
i forget things almost instantly, it runs in my family, at least... i think it does......hmmm where are they?.......Can i help u?(lol finding nemo rocks)
im quite scary looking, so ive been told
but im happy go lucky and hardly ever get mad(but u dont want to see me when i am)
i like to eat food
food is good
i eat too much
but my constant movement and fast metabolizem make up for that.
here is a story/saying/inside joke thing about food:
Sometimes........................ I sit in my room, and i think about food....I'm so hungry.
Sometimes........................ I sit by the door, and i wait for my food....It isnt coming.
Sometimes........................ I go downstairs, and i look for my food... It isnt there.
Sometimes........................ I go outside, and i hunt for my food.... Its not as easy as it looks. hahahaha kailee and whoever else knows about this.

i can be smart
if my brain is working properly or if steve hasnt stolen my intelligence.
i have black/ brown hair cuz its growing out
multiple peircings(10 to be exact) (i swear thats the limit, im gonna start leaking)
i wear alot of black and jeans
im very lazy even thou i like playing sports.
i played baritone saxaphone and alto saxaphone in high school, i admit it i was a band geek, but band was totally kool at my school
"this one time at band camp....." or the way we say it, "this on time on the band trip......" band trips are fun, even when ur up chucking in the garbage can, our oregon friends were awsome, water ride 5 times oh yeah! or on the junior tour...... the silence is defening!.. what do u think this is? a relationship?.... sedatives, sedatives, sedatives for the poor..... daddy i had a bad dream, about what? testicles!..... thats one small step for man one giant leap for amber..... oh im offended, we have to turn it off!.... sex toys and chocolate, SEX GIVES U CANCER! DO NOT TELL ME TO FUCK! ur mother....MUPPET PORN! Europe 2006:LUFNSTINER- ryans brain child, CULTURE, "your an idiot britney go to bed" Hey now ur a llama get your fur on go spit/ hey now ur a farm animal get your walk on go stand/ all the grass is green and all the llamas eat the grass 'Nottahammer' 'Nottabus' "firey shits of hell" "stupid llama" "shut up Cam" "regard" llama llama peas and carrots, lama llama watermelon, llama llama culture roit, llama llama DUCK! )
and yes i do sing,

*i dont want anybody else, when i think about u i touch myself*( hahah steve, its our song) *got rice ***** got rice*(lol lis)

dont all run away screaming.

i should be a lifeguard soon but for now im a produce girl at Hamilton Farms making $9.50 an hour "I want all the fruit" "how do you get the water in the watermellon?" Christine is so my secret lover, and heather is my secreter lover,
i can speak sign language, but not french, i can say 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 lettuce thou, thank you sesame street and i can says ur cute in italian
(...*all i wanna know is how to say **** u, um .... haha right, oops* lol that was funny.)
and um.............................
i think thats it........







ok i found this on a forum i thought it was highly amusing because i laugh at overly religious pple, like the dumb **** that wrote this

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing. (oh no im screwed right off the bat)

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (theres another)

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. (and another)

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. (this is not looking good)

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. (interest, hell i have 10 of them)

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social
genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) (oh god no im going to hell, save me please)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. (you shouldnt judge pple like that, geez)

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (cuz those are the only wholesome things out there)

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. (who would do that, come on)

-Takes drugs. (tut tut)

-Drinks alcohol. (no comment)

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. (geez u cant even be sad anymore without going to hell)

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) (yes cuz im sure thats why they do it, they so just cant wait to contact satan)--

-Complains of boredom. (oh boy, christianity must be a hoot if u never get bored, i bet hevens a blast!)

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (hmmmmm, i dont quite get it, so now i have to have a bed time to go to heven)]

-Is excessively awake during the night. (so no caffine or ur going to hell)

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) (yes cuz wanting to not die of cancer makes me a goth, geez, so i have to want to die to get into heven?)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. (so being alone is a no-no)

-Spends large amounts of time alone. (well there u go, that answers that)

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) (cuz i mean to do my hwk i have to speak with the devil)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (so really, what am i gonna do when i grow up? live with mommy and daddy so i wont go to hell? i think someones having too much of the crack on the side)

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (yup, im going to hell, **** YOU ******* TEACHERS)

-Misbehaves at school. (so fighting at school means im going to hell, aw crap)

-Misbehaves at home. (opps)

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (better watch out for them chocolately cereals, theyre the work of the devil, thats how they rot ur teeth)

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) (ok that is possibly understandable, thats kinda creepy)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.) (oh god, watching 7th heven, and touched by an angel is going to send me too hell, crap i thought they were god shows, well im screwed)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature. (damn those video games with their devil violence)

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. (this devil box!)

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.(so thats why i got those funny looks)

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.(so no fun to get to heven)

-Expresses an interest in sex.(do christians want the human race to die out?)

-Masturbates (so we cant even make ourselves feel good? well i dont think i want to go to heven)

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. (well of course thats a given )

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (man those hindu and buddist are going to hell, well cya there apperently)

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".(cuz everyone just does that)
-Claims to be a goth.(what if other pple claim ur a goth?)

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
(well apperntly im crazy and going to hell, well it sounds more fun than going to heven)~St. Mary's Catholic Church

DRIVING!
Loud music-
linkin park,
nirvana,
slayer,
gob,
three days grace,
bowling for soup,
sum 41,
AC DC,
eminem,
blink182,
billy tallent,
AFI,
all american rejects
good charlotte
Offspring
Green Day
Van Halen
Fountains of Wayne
On holiday (even thou they broke up)
Zepplin
Def Lepard
Exit This Side ( Dans always got penis, thx Ben)
Faber Drive(guitarist helped push my car, ill never wash it again, not that i have yet)
Mas Undergo

Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (just cuz Marky Mark is hot.. right dan?)
Vanilla Ice (oh so kool and retro)
Mc Hammer (cuz dans pro at the hammer dance)

MY FRIENDS------------->
Laura- my oldest and dearest friend, yes i know ur older than me, but only by three weeks! im still wiser! yeha thats right, good times on Salt Spring eh? good times

Lis- BESTEST FRIEND OF ALL TIME #1 "theres something in the water! dont drink the water!" "yes mother ill drink my ornage juice" i couldnt live with out u man, ur the boss, id be bossless with out u, and whos hair would i die every saturday? (hehe im never gonna let u forget that one!) "hey lis what IS up?" hahaha good times What IS up melissa? u and ur skank pants and me and my whorebag ways, u big sexy tree u, "its the never ending story!" AHA- Amber Hilarity Attack! "what cant i taste ur pants? No? not EVER?!?!" Lis u smell like sex, "thats cuz im so sexy" "It is writen in the banana so it MUST be true" "i dont understand ur face" "how do they pee?" "do bees have emotions?" "nuddy swims!!"


Sam- BESTEST FRIEND # 2 "ur a nice old man!" hehehe, "stevelets" " but ur a chick..... man" sam what would i do with out u? not be awwwed as much thats for sure

Tracy- BESTEST FRIEND #3"excellent 506" "lubrication" man can i turn science dirty, u have a dirty dirty mind tracy, hahaha ASL fun! good times man, good times, we groom each other, whats wrong with that? Pelvic thrusts Strippin songs

Dan- BESTEST FRIEND #4 "and the word of the day is...... P I N E S...... what does that spell PINES!!!!!!" bahahahaha oh god that was good, "pound it mickey" hehehe....... you know u like him...... yes. no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, YES! NO! YES! ok......... WAR UH GOOD GOD! What is it good for? Absolutly.......nuthin!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey.... are u thirsty?? I love you Dan non sexually thou *all day long i dream about sex cuz i am a nymphomanic, sex on a tree and sex on a rope swing i am a nymphomanic, back seat, roof tops and in a locker, i am a nymphomanic* *Brandon doesnt know Mr. Stud and me, do it in my room every monday! He tells him hes in the drawer, but he doesnt go, still hes on his back and... BRANDON DOES KNOW!* *CHICKEN ******!!!* HAMMER TIME! Hello my name is: Dan the Pan*(COMMA)* Man Hello my name is: Amber aka Chippy aka Fish aka...aka...aka.. UP THE RECTUM!!! Use PROTECTION! Like flavored comdoms......... IMPOTENT!!! aligator soup, aligator soup, if i dont get some i think im gonna poop, aligator stew aligator stew, yes i think i have to go poo, aligator pie aligator pie i think i might just pee in ur eye BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

Tash- BESTEST FRIEND #6"red cow" "Shabang" " u can get it at ikea" dont u ever change u crazy freak Are u...............Thirsty? i bet beamiss is, bahaha "well u take a clean tuna and a clean roni........" "stuffy feind" "ur mom is starchy" "i am the egg man, i am the egg man, i am the walrus, cucucachoo cucucachoo" "were bacon at soar 2004" "they circled the tent all night long!!!" "amber ur mom called me a *****!!"

Bobbie- "SPOONS" once i get my N im so coming over to sex u up. Purple haired children for life!

Steph P- jazz band just wouldnt be jazz band without u, haha member our crazy oregon pples, that was some good times...... but ur a chick, man......... yes steph he bowls Band names- Screaming Moist! Water balloon fights!! *sick ****!* lol jared and nick in band, wat fun

Scottie- i cant believe u almost threw me in the pool, im not impressed, ill take a good chunk outta u next time, "ur corrupted" and u were making faces at me RUNNERS! WE HAD TO BE RUNNERS FOR 2 DAYS!





Katie- fortrace of solitude, going back for the paddle boat boys, this time closer than binoculars, "peddle like mad to cancun!!" "was that fun or what?" were damn good bee exterminators, throw and run!!!!! "im responsible and scary" omg billy talent kicked ass! damn straight "burrowing, caused by the cosmic horn" "take ur key tones little girl" "how do they pee?" "do bees have emotions?" "im not a bee..... doctor!" RAINBOW JUMBLING TOWER. 31 bees, 31


Erich- "viagra doesnt help................... but maybe u can" "a day without ur corn pop is like dildos up ur nose"


Sammi-doug is hot.... doug is hot......... thats one small step for man, one giant leap for amber....... (going down the slide) "OW ****" *runs up to a guy* "SMELL ME" there was something in them orange julius' *no i didnt forget the condoms*


Jen-it was this big and this big....... jen i had a bad dream, about what? testicles! so truth or dare, truth? ok, who would u tap on this trip? POLE DANCING

Mike- my favortie mike, excellent with high low cites "we took this magic potion and now were sexy!" "inverted nipples"

Rob- im H Core (wink wink)

Justin and Mikey- whats an Orgy?


RYAN- will you get us a cookie? THE SNOW SCARF BANDITS HAVE SRUCK AGAIN! "and all the girlys say im pretty fly for a while guy" adventures all the way "ok tracy so you invite us over here for lunch and you dont have any food, wtf?" they were all naked at some point LLama riding, EUROPE 06, "shut up Cam" the llama song "stupid llama" LUFENSTINER "Nottahammer"

STEVE- I Love You, as much as wrapping a tape measure around the world twice, no? three times? or was is four? as many times as humanly possible thats it "i dont want anybody else when i think about u i touch myself" "apperently im out of juice" "u can do THAT with a pickle?" "best places to make out.... roof, the box that smells like sex, roads, under water, upside down, on a dock, back seats of cars, arcades, cemetary, beach....and what else was there?" "u cant poke me when im eating, digesting, laying down........ sick.......... or most any time in particular" "the baby is imaculate, i did not cheat, its an alien baby, so u cant poke my stomach, u might hurt it" "and i didnt cheat on u with mickey, hes a cartoon mouse for god sakes" "when are u going to perfect ur teleporting?" "when do i get my couch?" "its because u touch urself at night" "pecks warm to the touch" "concrete ass""so i says to this guy..............and thats how u make macaroni and cheese" "significant other" "at least its not an arm pit fetish""lets make fred " *im a poser, im not a nympho, but u are! naughty boy!* Ur good dexterity Peanut butter and jelly! jelly aint nothing with out the peanut butter. oh bother YOUR BUTT IS MINE I OWN IT! touge, sweeter and boggy JCans

Sports- soccer, snowboarding, skateboarding, hockey, swimming........

sugar. food- pizza, egg salad, tuna roni, chocolate milk, pancakes basicly anything thats not good for u.


Water fights while skipping class, great fun eh trac, dan, tash, spencer, kevin, toby, we should make it a weekly thing eh?

the sun in awsome, i love summer, winter too

acting

singing

sleeping

not being here

i like to get high on my own sence of power and run around and act like a freak,
its normal for me, no worries

i like cake, alot, ice cream cake

and muffin batter

PUNKIN PIE

and pop, im not allowed to have anymore makes me sick and slightly drunk

sniffin pixie sticks, wait no that hurts

sugar highs, but not when i cant get to sleep and have to work in the morning

SPOONS!!!!!

my bag of wonders

MY BEAUTIFUL TOMATO CAN (aka my doge colt, hes so cute, yes thats right my car is a he)

DISNEYLAND, but not when im sick

the helivator, california screamin, indiana jones, thunder mountain rail road, grizley river rapids

Capricorns:(which would be me)
Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to call me...Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fates smile on them from time to time...they just accept it an move on. You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is in the room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually durinig commercial breaks is perfect. Its nothing for a Cappie to **** seven or eight times during commercial breaks in an hour long T.V. Show. They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoples furniture...on other peoples beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they are in the mood...it could be at the Presiden't inaugeration...get ready for some nookie!
They love to bite.
They love whips, floggers and paddles.
And KNOW how to use them.

BUGS!!! especially ones that bite and then are itchy

being sick/ up chucking

smoking, really drunk pple drugs,

country music

katchup

vegetables

condements

waking up

working and going to school all day

being stuck at home

pink

glitter

SUN BURNS!

pills, thou penacillin works wonders, i hate birth control

Working with stupid boys who are stupid. and they dont listen and drive me crazy!!
Brussle sprouts are cold, so is broccolli,
Apples that are different sizes, giant russets, mouldy peppers, oranges, pineapples and grapefruits.

i hate the fact that some guys think they are so much better than girls and they never have to have a period, worry about getting pregnant, take bith conrtol or have boobs... theyre not all theyre cracked up to be....... damn u all and ur testosterone!

pple who make fun of pple cuz they are different, the best pple i know are a bit weird or different

cheaters- i hate u all, u suck, u make pple get pariniod

pple that try and tell me not to do sertain things, or wear sertain things cuz its not "kool" or pple will call me a loser, ok get a ******* clue, i dont give a **** wat pple have to say about me, thats it, so dont waste ur breath

i have a few questions for you all;
what is normal? how do you define someone as odd? why are certain things cool and others arent? why can some pple do things when others cant? why are some pple not good enough? why is there so much hate? why cant pple do what they think is right without being ridiculed? why cant everyone just do nice things for other? why is the world so selfish? cant we all just control our tempers?
why is the world so mean?