1. The next person you'll hold hands with, will it mean anything?
Fuck no. I will steal their hands. For stealing. In the Middle East.
2. Do you sleep with the TV on?
The Ring scared me too much to do shit like that.
3. Have you ever drank alcohol straight from the bottle?
Then I ate the bowl! (Bottle...)
4. Do you think you are old?
No. I old I am think.
5. Are you afraid of the dark?
Bitch please. The dark is afraid of me.
6. Do you like your life right now?
It's pretty dope, yeah.
7. When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
When I had sore muscles.
8. Do you knock on wood?
Kinky. And yes.
9. Do you have good vision?
Not really. With my glasses on... yes. Ish.
10. Can you hula hoop?
No, but I know someone who can.
11. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yes. Because it's what JESUS WOULD DO.
12. Do you have a job?
No bwahaha.
15. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. But I have killed a man.
16. Have you ever crawled through a window?
My bloodlust is unquenchable.
19. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A shank.
20. Are you listening to music?
I will kill again.
21. Where are you?
In killplace.
22. How often do you talk on the phone?
I don't talk.
26. Do you hate more than 3 people?
Oh, sure.
27. Have you ever tripped someone?
To kill.
28. Name one thing that is always on your mind?
A mockingbird. And my movie(s).
29. What is your favorite scent?
Male elk.
30. Have you ever stolen anything?
A life.
31. Name your favorite animal?
A giraffe?
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
To kill.
33. Are you sarcastic?
No.
34. Have you ever slapped someone?
On the ASS, BAYBAY! (in all seriousness though, yes. On the ass. Baybay.)
35. Do looks matter?
Only if you care about orgasming.
36. Do you use chapstick?
Chapstick used me. So I killed it.
37. Are you too forgiving?
Or not forgiving enough?
38. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
I OWN Hot Topic. Legally.
39. Do you own a gun?
Bitch, please. Think I'm that lame? Bare hands, babe.
41. When was the last time you cried?
I don't. Even. Have. Eyes.
42. Who was the last person to use your shower, apart from yourself?
I don't HAVE MY OWN SHOWER.
43. Have u recently been to a castle?
I'm in one right now, faggot.
44. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
Myself. Bwahahaha.
45. Do you like your hair?
Yes, but it sadly does not return the sentiment.
46. What's your personal cure for hiccups?
Slit a throat or three.
47. Do you like yourself?
I love myself today. Not like yesterday...
48. Are you closer to your mother or father?
My mother, I would have to say. My father is more like one of the guys. WHAT A DEEP QUESTION!
49. Have you ever stripped?
I was never clothed to begin with.
51. Do you chat on AIM often?
I AIM. To KILL!!!
52. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Literally with a knife.
53. Full House or Brady Bunch?
I am named after Uncle Jesse. Well, inspired by.
54. Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
I ate her for breakfast. Sexually and literally. Not. In. That. Order.
55. Has anyone ever called you a tease?
Mr. Teasecaller has many a time. That dickdouche.
56. Do you have any scars?
Only in my SOUL.
57. Relationships or one night stands?
There's a difference?!
58. Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
Not all of them. Damn Russian robot.
59. Who was the last person that made you cry?
Gilgamesh.
60. Ever wish upon a star?
All the time.
61. Where is your dad right now?
Probably in my dad's house.
63. Got Milk?
In my ovari-...
68. What are you listening to?
The screams of virgins.
69. What do you smell like?
Raw sex.
70. What color are your eyes?
n/a (see above)
71. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?
I will not even pretend to begin to know what the fucking hell that means. I just WikiPedia'd it. And no. It sounds dangerous.
72. What color is your bedroom floor?
Blood.
Red.
73. Do you have a chair in your room?
No, I have a room in a chair. (Deep.)
75. Do you know someone called betsy?
Only Betsy. Does that count?
76. What color is your mom's hair?
PUCE.
78. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
I was never a "kid."
79. Are you married?
Of course. I'm Mormon.
80. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Today.
81. Do you play an instrument?
Yes. GUITAR AND BASS GUITAR. Simultaneously.
82. Do you like fire?
Depends. Is it Jewish fire?
84. What is your favorite food?
Jewish fire.
86. Have you ever been to a spa?
A Jewish fire spa.
87. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Yes. And I went for 5 years numbnuts. (Yeah that's right, I'm talking to YOU, anonymous blog-quiz writer!)
88. Do you like butterflies?
For dinner.
89. Do you miss someone right now?
My Jewish pyromaniac friend(s).
90. Do you think they miss you too?
Not after I killed them, no.
91. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
Yes. On account of some weird and fucked up shit, man. No joke.
92. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Yes. To teach how to kill. And make Jewish fire.
93. What is one thing you've learned about life?
That Jewish fire doesn't exist.
94. What's your favorite color?
Puce.
95. Is anyone jealous of you?
Man, who ISN'T?
96. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
No but one has been stuck in me. Awkward as hell, I tell you. And Hell is a fairly awkward place.
97. What does your dad call you?
Gork, for some reason...
98. What does you hair look like right now?
Sex. Pure. Unadulterated. Sex.
99. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Man who hasn't?
100. Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
I AM the law.
Fuck no. I will steal their hands. For stealing. In the Middle East.
2. Do you sleep with the TV on?
The Ring scared me too much to do shit like that.
3. Have you ever drank alcohol straight from the bottle?
Then I ate the bowl! (Bottle...)
4. Do you think you are old?
No. I old I am think.
5. Are you afraid of the dark?
Bitch please. The dark is afraid of me.
6. Do you like your life right now?
It's pretty dope, yeah.
7. When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
When I had sore muscles.
8. Do you knock on wood?
Kinky. And yes.
9. Do you have good vision?
Not really. With my glasses on... yes. Ish.
10. Can you hula hoop?
No, but I know someone who can.
11. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yes. Because it's what JESUS WOULD DO.
12. Do you have a job?
No bwahaha.
15. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. But I have killed a man.
16. Have you ever crawled through a window?
My bloodlust is unquenchable.
19. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A shank.
20. Are you listening to music?
I will kill again.
21. Where are you?
In killplace.
22. How often do you talk on the phone?
I don't talk.
26. Do you hate more than 3 people?
Oh, sure.
27. Have you ever tripped someone?
To kill.
28. Name one thing that is always on your mind?
A mockingbird. And my movie(s).
29. What is your favorite scent?
Male elk.
30. Have you ever stolen anything?
A life.
31. Name your favorite animal?
A giraffe?
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
To kill.
33. Are you sarcastic?
No.
34. Have you ever slapped someone?
On the ASS, BAYBAY! (in all seriousness though, yes. On the ass. Baybay.)
35. Do looks matter?
Only if you care about orgasming.
36. Do you use chapstick?
Chapstick used me. So I killed it.
37. Are you too forgiving?
Or not forgiving enough?
38. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
I OWN Hot Topic. Legally.
39. Do you own a gun?
Bitch, please. Think I'm that lame? Bare hands, babe.
41. When was the last time you cried?
I don't. Even. Have. Eyes.
42. Who was the last person to use your shower, apart from yourself?
I don't HAVE MY OWN SHOWER.
43. Have u recently been to a castle?
I'm in one right now, faggot.
44. Are you thinking about somebody right now?
Myself. Bwahahaha.
45. Do you like your hair?
Yes, but it sadly does not return the sentiment.
46. What's your personal cure for hiccups?
Slit a throat or three.
47. Do you like yourself?
I love myself today. Not like yesterday...
48. Are you closer to your mother or father?
My mother, I would have to say. My father is more like one of the guys. WHAT A DEEP QUESTION!
49. Have you ever stripped?
I was never clothed to begin with.
51. Do you chat on AIM often?
I AIM. To KILL!!!
52. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Literally with a knife.
53. Full House or Brady Bunch?
I am named after Uncle Jesse. Well, inspired by.
54. Did you like your high school guidance counselor?
I ate her for breakfast. Sexually and literally. Not. In. That. Order.
55. Has anyone ever called you a tease?
Mr. Teasecaller has many a time. That dickdouche.
56. Do you have any scars?
Only in my SOUL.
57. Relationships or one night stands?
There's a difference?!
58. Have you seen all the Rocky movies?
Not all of them. Damn Russian robot.
59. Who was the last person that made you cry?
Gilgamesh.
60. Ever wish upon a star?
All the time.
61. Where is your dad right now?
Probably in my dad's house.
63. Got Milk?
In my ovari-...
68. What are you listening to?
The screams of virgins.
69. What do you smell like?
Raw sex.
70. What color are your eyes?
n/a (see above)
71. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?
I will not even pretend to begin to know what the fucking hell that means. I just WikiPedia'd it. And no. It sounds dangerous.
72. What color is your bedroom floor?
Blood.
Red.
73. Do you have a chair in your room?
No, I have a room in a chair. (Deep.)
75. Do you know someone called betsy?
Only Betsy. Does that count?
76. What color is your mom's hair?
PUCE.
78. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
I was never a "kid."
79. Are you married?
Of course. I'm Mormon.
80. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Today.
81. Do you play an instrument?
Yes. GUITAR AND BASS GUITAR. Simultaneously.
82. Do you like fire?
Depends. Is it Jewish fire?
84. What is your favorite food?
Jewish fire.
86. Have you ever been to a spa?
A Jewish fire spa.
87. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Yes. And I went for 5 years numbnuts. (Yeah that's right, I'm talking to YOU, anonymous blog-quiz writer!)
88. Do you like butterflies?
For dinner.
89. Do you miss someone right now?
My Jewish pyromaniac friend(s).
90. Do you think they miss you too?
Not after I killed them, no.
91. Have you ever seen your school counselor?
Yes. On account of some weird and fucked up shit, man. No joke.
92. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
Yes. To teach how to kill. And make Jewish fire.
93. What is one thing you've learned about life?
That Jewish fire doesn't exist.
94. What's your favorite color?
Puce.
95. Is anyone jealous of you?
Man, who ISN'T?
96. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
No but one has been stuck in me. Awkward as hell, I tell you. And Hell is a fairly awkward place.
97. What does your dad call you?
Gork, for some reason...
98. What does you hair look like right now?
Sex. Pure. Unadulterated. Sex.
99. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend?
Man who hasn't?
100. Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
I AM the law.
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