I saw my boyfriend hanging with this girl that I hate,
he didn't have to tell me why last night he was late.

I cant believe what you tell me,
your lies have come undone.

Now I'm living on the road,
Looking out for number one.

I took a ride to the city,
had to get outta this place.
because I can't stand the pity when the tears run down my face.

They are like children.
So stubborn on their opinions, talking trash about you constantly.
You have screwed up. Made girls cry, and hurt your boys.
Guess what? So have I!
I dont believe you and your actions
even effect them anymore! Nothing you do should even changes a ripple throughout
their day... and yet whenever something happens in your life, its suddenly everyone else's
business to judge!

The fact that trash talking you comes up in their drinking games means they
need to get you out of their heads! If they don't care, don't be concerned!

I understand that anyone who does anything feels they have justification.
It's okay if they talk bad about you, because you have done bad by them.
And some people may even feel angered by this little rant of mine,
like im defending an unworthy recipient.
Unworthy in your eyes, forgivable in mine.

To clear up the purpose of this message, I am not out to anger, upset or offend anyone.
The 'they' and 'them' I speak of are my friends too, people who I value and care for.
I think highly of them and their opinions. So I am not here to make anyones blood boil.
Or to tell anyone they are wrong. But I can disagree.
I am simply stating how ridiculous I think it is that you are topic of their tea parties.
Your business is okay to disect and pick apart.

Any small thing you do is poked, exaggerated and fixed to fit the desired reputation
the people you upset have chosen for you.

If you are as horrible as they think you are, and if I am as stupid as they all will think,
then shame on us.

But if you don't feed their fire, and they keep burning..
then shame on them.

Wow.
For months I have been writing the same fucking-sob-story.

Poor me, I'm all alone.
I need a man to take care of me, and your a fucking asshole.

God, makes me feel pathetic to read all my entries.
But if I have wrotten so many all beating to the same drum,
maybe I have a valid point for myself.

The perfect guy.

The perfect guy drinks, but doesn't get drunk.
The perfect guy knows how to use his words to get what he wants.
The perfect guy sneaks up on you, just to hold you when you scream.
The perfect guy pushes your buttons, just to see your face go red.
The perfect guy is the master of flirtation, but keeps it in his pants.
The perfect guy comes online at night, just to say goodnight.
The perfect guy will wrestle with you, just to play.
The perfect guy will put his arms around you, and not let go.
The perfect guy will know your cold, and put you in his jacket.
The perfect guy will put his girlfriend before his friends if he needs to.
The perfect guy will kiss your forehead as you sleep.
And the perfect guy will make you feel perfect.

Is there really no more great guys in nanaimo?
What the fuck is a girl Supposed to do?

"Men are like parking lots.
There all taken, and the only one's left are handicapped."

She wakes up, by herself.
Watches Tv, by herself.
Sometimes people call her and she does go hang out,
but she spends alot of time alone.
She spends alot of time regretting the past. Wishing she hadn't
of burnt those bridges. Wishing she still had someone excited to see her.

Now, she has some close friends. Some close friends who she can talk
with, blaze with, laugh with...
But they all go home to that someone special, and she walks down the block.

For so long she never had to feel this way. She knew so many great people, she always happened to find someone for her to care about. Someone to love, appreciate and spoil. Something to wake up for in the morning.

She always felt confident, and strong. Never second guessed herself or
felt bad about who she was. But, now, I guess that's because she was told she
was loved everyday, by someone who didnt have to love her.
She had someone to come home too. Someone to grab and not let go.

Now, that girl sits here and worries about being alone.
Worries about a prom date, worries about finding someone new.
Worries about not having that shoulder to cry on when the worst time
of my life comes up.
Worries about meeting someone to make her smile again.

You don't care how it hurts...
Until you loose the one you wanted, cause you've taken her
for granted, and everything i had you destroyed.
But your just a boy.

So, I had a dream about you last night.
It was so real, so vivid. I was in your arms again.
You took me back, forgave my trespasses against you.
We drove in your truck, went to mcdonalds.
I brought my bongs over, and a bag of clothes...
because I knew we wouldnt be leaving the house for a while.

I miss your kisses, your hugs, your love for me, and your
dedication to make it work.

Too bad I'm a fucking idiot.
That dream was to real. A tease.
And I whiped away a tear when I woke up.

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Feelin' like shit.
Feel physically, emotionally and mentally unattractive.
Knowing how alone I am, makes me feel even more pathetic.
And the more pathetic I feel, the more I can't help but too hide.

Hide my tears, hide my emotional problems, hide my insecurity.
I never knew I needed someone so much until I was totally alone.

These last few blog posts have been very out of character for me.
Maybe I need to find a new life.

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
And I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet
Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.

Almost every Sunday I sit at home and Cry.
Pathetic, right? I know. I can't help it.

Because days like today, is when I realize everyone has someone
special they can turn to...
Except me.

I have good friends. Good friends to party with, blaze with..
some are even good for serious conversation.

But when I have a real problem.. a real emotional pain.
Who do I turn too? Who's there for me?

Even if he tries to be there for me,
she still comes first.

Too bad I always feel like second place lately.
It's not even just your fault.

An Ode to Teenage Mothers --

Being a Teenager has been one of the most stressful periods of my life.
Starting high school, finding where I fit in, getting the grades, completing the courses, getting some cash flow, dealing with high school bullshit, dealing
with bullshit at home, and keeping up with my social life and hobbies..
just to name a few.

So, when I see girls.. MY AGE, having children. Girls younger then me,
getting pregnant. And the first thought that comes to my mind, is
Props, girl. I couldn't do it.

You have to be a strong, dedicated, courageous woman to deal with all that
stress that I bitch about daily... and having a child.
It blows my mind how you girls deal with it. I hope you feel proud
and glorious about your triumphs and achievements.

Give your baby(ies) a Big smile for Me!