I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
Any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
But a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
Without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece,
And yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit,
To others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
At any cost.
And I don't have a problem,
Admitting I'm lost.
I never forget,
An important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies,
With lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay,
To remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a bitch.
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest?
I don't have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!!
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness...
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone...
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of
each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for
helping yourself, and the other for helping others."
-Audrey Hepburn
find a guy
who calls you beautiful instead of hot
who calls you back when you hang up on him
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep
wait for the boy who kisses your forehead
who wants to show you off when your in your sweats
who holds your hand in front of his friends
who thinks your just as beautiful without makeup on
constantly reminds you of how much he cares
and knows how lucky he is to have you
wait for the one who turns to his friends and says
"... thats her"
Quote:
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Rock Paper Scissors
"Ok, I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no f -ing way paper can beat rock.
Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" rock, rendering it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?
I'll tell you why--BECAUSE PAPER CAN'T BEAT ANYBODY!
A rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought that paper would protect you"
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