Ive been thinking and Ive realized that i have fucked my life up so badly...
And the worst thing about it ... is that my mom ruined it the one person that most girls look at as their best friend the person who they can go to for anything... unfortunately i cant do that.
My grandma died at 54 because of drinking and i KNOW i am going to bury my mom in the next ten years before I'm fucking 30 years old because she drinks so much and there is nothing i can do or anyone can do to make her realize that she is fucking her life up !!!!!
Ive done drugs i stopped that because it fucked with me and i will be screwed up because of them forever. I cut myself and i stopped because i hurt my family well unfortunately i am the type of person who wants everyone around them to be happy so i stopped well now I'm even more of an idiot and I'm anorexic I don't eat very often unless I'm forced to. I keep every thing bottled up which stresses me out even more. I get migraines and stomach aches because of stress and bottling it up.
I'm IN LOVE with a guy named Jake he makes my life yet we fight more than anyone should, and i never want to lose him he means the world to me Ive been with him for a year and nine months and hopefully much longer and he tries to help me yet he gets frustrated because he cant, because i wont tell him anything it upsets him he blames him self and being me i just can't tell him it just isn't easy for me I CAN'T.

Thoughts
+Ive been seeing Jake a lot lately
-My mom called me some names and now im stressed again
+I get to hang with my sis and dad tomorrow
-I haven't eaten in 3 days.