these are actual labels on products

=On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside
down.
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)
=On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
=On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
=On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
=On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.
=On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
=On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....
=On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
=On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
=On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(..I'm taking this because???....
=On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
=On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
=On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: say what?)
=On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one.)
=On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)