i think i may be a little crazy. i have these amazing people around me, and i call them my friends. they are there for me when i need them, and know when to give me space. so why do i feel that i am losing them...and that there is no way to get them back. it seems that i am hanging on to the very last threads, which are slipping out of my grasp every second. am i fighting a battle that is destined to go no where? is this becoming one sided? everything seems to be falling apart around me. im destroying friendships, and trust almost everywhere. i have a non existent family. on one side, i have NO trust. im more or less stuck at home. i may get catored on, but thats just a way to suck up, so ill move back in, and then the "child support check" will come again. and well...the other sides more interesting. i have more freedom there, yes, but i would rather not life with my alcoholic step mother, who resents my very existence. almost as much as i do. i no longer know the meaning of passion. and what about compassion, and love? well i lost faith in those when i saw my parents divorce. the most painful thing a child can go through is seeing the only two things they know how to love, go in opposite directions, and have to decide which one they wanna stay with, if they are lucky enough to have that choice. if not, then they get fought over like a piece of meat. used as colaterol, so one "so called parent" can collect their "so called" rightfully owed check. i find it kinda funny, how one parent thinks they are entitled to getting paid, because their kid stays with them for 4 days out of the week. it doesnt make a difference.
//last thoughts//
My Life Is Self Destructing.
Heading In A Downward Spiral.
There's No Stopping Me Now.
fuck.
