bleeding through these veins!
i can feel it now, all around me now
its getting harder and harder to ignore
but i won't give in
to these sub-misers

get out of the way
before i get to this
or you will find me now
waiting at your door

(song in progress, second part here will be the breakdown =) )

all you can do is just watch your life go by
without even a reminiscence of truth
no matter how hard you try
it all falls apart
in the blink of an eye
its shattered to oblivion

don't you love it when the time comes when you need someone to talk to
nobody is there

and then when all is said and done they say they will be their for you through it all
but then it all falls to pieces when all is lost

in the darkest of all times
and you are all alone
the only person you can trust
is the person within yourself, even though you are barely true to yourself

don't you wish for hat perfect moment just once more
don't you wish for happiness just once more
but at what cost
some money
all to have
or your life

don't you wish for jsut one moment you could be who you once were
well dont!

its a waste of time, and u should never regret who you've become, live with yourself and you will live forever
and ever in a world you can handle

when all is gone and over with
what is next
when all is gone and done with
what will happen

will we just wither away into nothing
or will we find a new purpose, a purpose to be or a purpose to have
no one truly knows for there is always a purpose and never a purpose
understand that and you will understand life

there are people everywhere but r they actgualy there, or are they lost inside the twisted reality we live in?
to the right
to the left
people everywhere
getting lost
and being found
no where to go
but behind the lies of our lives

we underestimate, and misunderstand what is right in front of us

im starting to lose it
i feel i can't hold on much longer
i know people have gone through worse, and came out perfectly fine
but im not them, and i am weak
i just can't take this anymore
this lie, called life

just kill me now
just leave me there in the middle of the street lifeless
as if no one can see me
i stand their wishing i would be noticed
why do i try to fit in when all i want to do is be wanted
why does it have to be that all the good thins in life always get taken from me
am i destined to be alone for all of eternity?
must i stay in the shadows to die
why can't i get to keep the one thing i love for ever?
why must this world be so cruel as to force me away form the only person i want to be with?

why can't i just be normal?
why can't i care anymore?
why are these days getting darker and darker?
why o why must i be in so much pain?
and why is the cause of my pain the one thing ive ever loved and wanted?
its not that persons fault i'm in pain, its my own
but it still hurts
so much so as if to wish this world would just end.
or that once im gone, all i will be is a forgotten memory and never remembered.
for i know i will cause pain, even tho im not here

why must the past show up when you think its finally outa your mind?
its when you finally get back on your feet that you feel like falling again

i gues its just the past and it should be left in the past
but how can it be left in the past, when it keeps coming outa my head
why can't it just leave, and let me be in the now and to be

instead of the then

why am i so concerned about what i did?
why do i blaim everything on myself?
how can everything be my fault, if im not their for half of it?

there are things in life, you wish never would happen
or at least not so soon
you almost fear of what it could become of you
you almost hate it so much u don't want it


but then in the back of your head
you start to think of how it could be
and all the good times that could happen

looking at their eyes for the first time
being their to hear their first breath
to see them looking straight at you with those big eyes
trying to hold in the laughter of how odd it looks, the first time u see them
naming them and seeing them react to it
having the first time u have actually slept in a month be when they are sleeping on your chest
being so scared when they get out of your sight
being their when they take their first step
being their when they say their first word
being there for when they call out your name in the middle of the night, because of monsters under the bed


for me actually needed for the little things
and killing of spiders
to teach them of life
to teach them of falling, but then getting right back up
to teach them about love, and why it can be dangerous
to teach them how to be them selfs
to teach them why you don't bottle everything inside
to give them everything i had, and more
to be the best father that i can
to always be forgiving
to always understand
to be their when they need me most of all

to pick them up and hold them in my arms just so they know i am their
to kiss they boo boos when they fall
to be the cool father
to be the one they will be like "yeah my dad can do that"
to have then have those fights with the others saying that their dad can beat up theirs
to teach them about the stars
to tell them that if you see a shooting star, to make a wish
to tell them the stupid jokes just to feel like i am funny
to teach them the value of being a good person
to teach them the value of being their own person
to tuck them in at night and kiss them on their foreheads
to give them big bear hugs
to give them whisker rubs( like 4 hours after shaving when my beard comes in, rub it on their faces)

the scars that won't go away
the thoughts that i can't elude
these fears that run as deep as the cuts not only in my body, but in my heart and soul

why must i feel anything at all, if all that happens is pain
pain to myself i can live with
but when the pain is to others from myself, i cannot bare
for i live for peoples happiness and die for their pain

i am not the white pure lamb of god
i don't even want to say i am apart of god
for i am not worthy
i am not a saint
i am nothing special
i am but another soul trying to help others find their way
i walk these dark days in order to show others the light
when their is shade, i am their
when their is darkness i am their
but when their is light, i stay at the end of the shadows, saying good job
you can now live your life

when you reach the light, don't look back
don't think about me
don't worry about me
for i will walk these shadows for eternity
my only reward is knowing i have helped someone
my only consequence is not being able to go into the light
for in order for the light to survive inside of you, their must be at least one
who can see it within

with just one touch
you take my fears away
with just one kiss
you take my breath away
with just one breath
you have taken my heart

but with the blink of an eye, i have lost you. and for that fear no touch, no kiss, and no breath will take away

the thoughts are coming back
the ones i thought had left me forever
being with you has been the greatest thing that could ever happen to me
and i love you
but i just fear of what i might do
the past always repeats itself
i just don't want to lose you like i have lost myself
i don't want to walk the shadows alone
i don't want to be the only one who really cares
i just feel that i am starting to slip deeper and deeper into the shadow
that is my heart and soul