Jonathan i am glad you entered into my life...I love you i needs...i MISSYOU

have you ever made out in a bathroom?
no

do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
Never kissed anyone..but the person that i want to kiss is nice

who was the last person to call you?
Jonathan

what is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
water

when is the last time you cried?
just now

are you scared of spiders?
naa

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? and change ONE thing.
yes

what are your plans for this weekend?
having chiu sleep over

ever been swimming in a lake or river?
yes

last person you drove with in a car?
a cab driver

what did you last buy?
Pizza

what’s irritating you right now?
the internet

what radio station(s) do you listen to?
the fox

are you afraid of the dark?
Yess

are you listening to music right now?
yes

do you like chinese food?
Fuck yess

what is the last movie you saw in theaters?
bed time stories

is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
yes

do you get distracted easily?
ummm...oooh look a butterfly


who are your best friends?
Jonathan, wren, holly, Tomi, Britt, sheena

is it easier to forgive or forget?
neither

are you jealous of someone?
no

what last made you laugh the hardest?
masterbation

do you flirt a lot?
no

would you live with someone without marrying them?
ya

have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
Yes i cryed when i woke up

who was the last person you cried in front of?
no one i hide when i cry

have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
lolz Ys and other places

have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
YEs cuz he lives so faraway

have you ever broken someone’s heart?
yes

do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
no i am to confuzing

have you ever dated someone older than you?
no

what time did you go to bed at and when did you awake?
12...6

do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
depending

do you believe in love at first sight?
YEs I love you jonathan the first time i saw you <3

WHYYY!!!!! Why me....i m not that pretty i will not take off my shirt on cam you have to get really close to me and personeal...so all the perverts out there go the fucking way i will do anything for you...i feel degrated.

Sitting here think over my thoughts of the day...while listing to escape the fate...think where did he go. that i have not talked him for a while seen him *never got that chance to hug him* I love him i miss him and he just disaperd aka he stoped talking to me . i wished i told how i felt...gut no after all the virtual cuddles and kisses, tight hugs. They did not mean anything to him he got a girlfriend...and now hes heartbroken. I love ya. and don't be going killing your self and if you do i will kill my self to. i love you dont go any were i will come see you soon * logs off the computer crying*

I feel as if I'm going back to my wannabe clinically-depressed days... There's something wrong, I'm sure of it. I thought I was doing good, I thought I was being happy enough... But, it's not working. I feel absolutely miserable again.

Normally, I would say that it's all his fault. His memory still haunts me, I'll never move on, I'll be sad and pathetic the rest of my life, all because of him... But, it was never him. It was my fault. Why did I fall in love with him...?

I hope this will pass... I hope this wave of depression is just a temporary phase... I hope he's okay... I hope he'll come back soon...

I always ask myself if he thinks of me. If I have this effect on him. If he were able to, he'd complain about me on his hardly updated MySpace... I try to think of times where he said something like that, where he thought of me or cared about me outside of our time together. ... I can't even remember... Maybe he's totally moved on. Maybe he's moved on a long time ago. Maybe he never really liked me...

It's been so long, I should really give up hope. His return will never come. I used to cry if I couldn't talk to him once a day. I had a breakdown if I didn't talk to him for two days in a row. I was convinced the worst had happened if he didn't come back in three... There was a whole month where my parents wouldn't allow me computer access. I was suicidal and hysterical. I couldn't go on, it was so hard without him... But I learned... That I could be without him. That I didn't /have/ to be with him to live... But, I was still so sad.

It's been eleven months... Eleven months and five days. Almost a year. It's been almost a year since I have contacted my beloved. It's been almost a year where I have been sad. It's been almost a year that I've been haunted by his loving memory... I hope... Wherever he is, he's happy. Though I wish... I wish so much that we could be together once again... I wish I could speak to him, even if just one last time...

But, for me, wishes don't come true. He's out there some where. I do not know of his condition. At all. And, I'm here. Crying. On a school night. Typing mindless gibrish out on my blog. About a boy. Who I can't forget...

I love you...