heart still in its place, bouncing round and around
but some how still attached and staying strong
so many feelings, so much fear
uncertain on how to feel, what to believe
if theres need to worry, if theres need to fear
stubborn moody heart, beating faster and faster
hoping no regrets are felt, no looking back just looking forward
the sound of pleasure the sense of feeling
emotions like tidal waves mood swings like a tornado
swirling and twisting everything that is brought to mind
brain brewing up a storm of thoughts, that tear a person down.
The pain ive caused and blamed everyone but myself
the tears ive shed cause of pain ive inflicked
the pain ive caused those not even involved
the heart ach, the lies
the seperation, oppertunities taken away from other
cause of my foolish mistakes,
knowing all she did was love and try
she wanted what was best for me, and my siblings
and i faught her for everything,
suburn me, blaming everyone but myself.
causing herself a life of pain, a life of scars
hurting everyone she cares about and loves
not even meaning to but is what shes best at
fighting and yelling,hitting and brusies
grown up at a young age
a world of hurt a world of regret
a world of tears a world of pain
lost on the memories of her happier days
stuck on the thought of her future
missing her mommy missing her family
her stuburness and hate
causing them to be miles upon hours away frow each other
wishing she could take back everything
walk away come back with a hug
have everything okay, and well again
feeling so much pain, with no mothers kiss
to heal the wounds
mind torn apart thrown around
jumbled like a shaken box of cereal
with a hidden toy now more lost
lost site of those that matter most
lost site of what im good at
lost site of what i even matter to anyone anymore
sick of feeling pain, sick of feeling hate
sick of not being able to get one foot
a head of the other without tripping
coming from a broken home
that i broke down more and more
untill i remained there no more
shipped away drifted so many times
a mess, a reck, a lost cause
seeing nothing in myself
no matter how much i want to i cant
so much like my mother in so many ways
and i hated it
now i look back and think about it
and shes done her wrong, but shes also done her good
i should be proud to be like her.
shes done everything in her power to keep me going
and even through the moments when we werent thrilled with one another
she was still there no matter how much i didnt want her to be
i pushed and pushed untill the walls finally fell
and i lost everything missed out on so much
my sister growing up, now shes two
im missing my new sisters life just like my other sisters
memories i will never get to experience
memories i have lost hope on
something i have to learn to accept
even tho i shouldnt have to
these big blue eyes have seen a lot
felt a lot and cried a lot
drinking and abusing drugs
till i felt some what sain some what human again
knowing that its human to feel emotions
lost everything, even the person she really is
lost grip on reality lost grip on her soul
wanting nothing more then to be herself again
back when she had her family back when life was worry free
now apart of a family, a family she walked into
and hopes she doesnt distroy
in a new family where she doesnt belong
but wantingto feel apart of a family again
knowing she cant go back to hers
always feeling empty and always feeling lost
no matter how found she really is
been away for so long, its unreal
shipped out and replaced or so i thought
but theres always room for one more, i wish i was still there
wish that i didnt go overboard like i did i wish i was there
holding my new sister, playing blocks with my other sister
the one i wanted to be there for and be a good role modle for
but thats all been taken away from me, and nothing can change that
even if i stumbled my way back in, nothing will change what ive been through
and how much ive already been away from
happyness riped away over and over again
new walls just being built come crashing down
never have and never will be fully okay
but i still kick myself in the ass and keep going
smiles and laughter placed there, but not felt
seen by all, but missing the pain behind it all
needing out constantly needing to run, needing to feel free
looking down into this mirror
i see pain, i see hate, i see a lot of love
but when the mirrors not there all i feel is hurt and tears running down
feeling like theres no more options
when i know well enough im not opening up to the idea of having options
shunning everything before even trying
cutting myself down before opening my eyes
opening them to the good in life
the things i could do, and excell in
before opening my eyes to seeing where new things can get me
wanting a new life style but just falling back to the old me
the old me ive been running from the old me that brought me here
the old me thats hurt everyone around her
Im screaming at the top of my lungs
Can anyone hear me
Drifting farther and farther away
Can anyone see me
Touch ever so soft
Can anyone feel me
Farther and farther away
From reality and the person i once was
Music cranked loud
Blocking my anger and frustration
Thought after thought
I just want out
Trapped in my mind of constant thoughts
Stuck in a world i dontg want to be in
Yet it continues
The love the laughter
the tears the first steps
the first word, things i wont get to see
didnt get to see
2 new sister, a million miles away
a million memories lost, a million first times taken away
the experiences that could have been had.
the love that could have been built stronger
the family bond lost
the anger and fights rememberd
why couldnt i have the family i always wanted
why was i the only fuck up the only one
shiped away kicked out and beat over and over again
the pain held in deep no matter how much it wants to be let go
First crawl, first steps first real hug
the baby stages taken away
cause of my mistakes, my fuck ups
things were starting to mend, but i had to get shipped away
trapped, alone, empty and cold
confused on how to feel what to think
all i know is i dont like the feelings i feel
the pain i go through and feel is unfair
the tears ive cried are to many
the heart ach ive felt, has left me with next to nothing
but pain and tears
the fire burning in her eyes, the love burning in his,
shes the devil hes a saint.
emotions running wild, thoughts over powering
the passion, the beauty of the two together
two different worlds become one
a world of love and happyness,care and peace
heart to heart
beats sooo insync with one another
so perfect, time freezes
two become one, emotions running wild
thoughts becoming their actions
love becomes lust, as the two worlds
fall and become a mess
proving that a devil and a saint could never work out
and start their own happy little world of lies and heart ach
raging, and wishing, that nothing that happend did
that they could be one of the same kind, and give it another try
hand in hand they stand and give it another try
another change, at love and happyness
try to change the worlds that were created for them
and make the words their own, and master it
the thoughts in my mind
run over and over again
driving me crazy more and more each time
never ending tears
constant hurt constant sorrow
everythings just to much
to much to deal with
to much to think about
head spinning out of control
coming for a crash landing.
As thoughts run amlessly through my mind the loud rawrs and screams of the music blasting in my head guitar and thick blood curling screams block out all the thoughts that i want gone.
Were just 2 worlds apart trying to become one.
moment by moment
step by step
i try to make my life better
thought after thought i realise i fail.
i toss and i turn
oh will i ever learn
i dont know.
i try to not let the same thing happen again
but i fall in the same trap everytime
lonley, hurt, empty and cold
emotions run deep.
deeper than cuts that suck the life out of you
im giving up faster than ever.
just wanting this pain that life brings to end
wondering if id be better off somewhere else
somewhere millions of miles away
buy a one way ticket to no where
some where hardly anyone knows of
where i no no-one
and nobody knows me.
start completly from scratch with nothing
ive given up on many things in life
and when i actually try to stick in
it gives up on me.
im being brought to the bottom of the ocean
sinking faster than an ancor
as past pain cuts me deeper and deeper.
i will always remember
all the pain in my life.
cause it over powers the good.
my life is upside down
sunk at the bottom of the ocean
left to be discoverd
and recoverd
a fimiliar feeling runs down my face.
falling from my once so blue eyes
eyes fadded to grey filled with hurt.
a fimiliar sense of pain comes flushing back
why do i always let this happen.
when ever i think i find something good in life.
reality comes flashing back
and takes it away from me.
am i a open door
letting only nothing but pain in.
fight after fight i lay down and cry
as tear after tear comes falling down.
i crash and fall asleep.
in my dreams it all repeats
and i awake to find its still reality
i break into a sweat only for a moment
and realize that my life is a joke.
that i just cant seem to laugh away.
listening to this song over and over again
as thoughts come running through my head.
thoughts of you thoughts of me
that i thought had passed.
tear after tear
i lay wondering what i could have done instead
what i did wrong what i said wrong
wonder why she was better than me
and why you had to lie
family friends shitty days.
and then you come racing back in
thought i found the one to help me move on
i thought i was ready, but i guess he wasnt
he took the thoughts of you off my head.
and i thought of him instead.
